I don't know what it is, maybe it is just the graduation jitters, that has to exist right? But the closer I get to graduation, which is still a little over a year away, I start to question everything. Since grade nine I have come to the conclusion that I want to write. I want to write fictional stories to be precise but did the parents ever flip when they heard that. I imagine that it might be every parents' fear that their child will fail at life and I suppose they just want their kid to succeed and do well. At least that's what I tell myself so it doesn't seem as if they didn't believe in me at the time.
An ironic thing is, when I first began telling people I wanted to write they would always just look at me like I had three heads and then say, “Oh, like a journalist?”. I heard that line so many times that I was ready to clonk all of their heads together and scream. I wanted to tell them no, not like a journalist at all, other individuals write as well I hope you know. I want to be an author. It just became so frustrating that it all began to feel like no one believed I could actually do it. Which of course led to self-doubt, which I still battle with today. That miserable year was the year I visited Rabbit Island and there not one person questioned that path I had chosen as my desire. I always say that it was Rabbit island that kept me writing because it is true. I had a whole group of strangers that had never read anything I had written but believed in me because, why not?
Yet, when I fell in love with Carleton University I found that they have a journalism program, and I could see myself attending their journalism program. So, for the past year I have been toying with the idea in my head of going into journalism, I could still write but I would also have a stable career. But because it is such a prestigious program to get into it is hard for me to decipher if I really want to go into this program but am having second thoughts because I am scared I will not get in or if I really don't want to down that career path. I only wish that I would be able to take Co-Op about five different times to try out different careers and see which is for me, before I invest tens of thousands of dollars into it.
I think the problem is that I can see myself doing numerous of different things and that is why it has become difficult to me to decide what I want to pursue after my post-secondary education. I could see myself becoming a teacher or a scientist, a librarian or a journalist, numerous different careers that aren't all similar. In a dream world where the money tree in my back yard was limitless and I could do whatever I wanted I would attend Carleton and receive a Bachelor of Journalism Degree before receiving a Master's degree in English Literature and History. Then of course I would travel though Great Britain and France for a year, with a few weekend trips to other countries in Europe before settling down somewhere. From there I would open up my own Second Hand Book Shop where I could play librarian all day and read and write. Then, later on in life, I might teach some university courses a few days a week with multiple books published under my name. I would own tiny little cottages throughout Europe that I would visit during the summer for a few weeks with my ever present cat.
If I could have anything in the world...this is what I would want.
