How I Fared with My Goals of 2012...

So, one year ago (give or take) I wrote a list of 21 things I wanted to complete before the end of the year. Then I promptly forgot about this list for most of the year and I have come to realize that to accomplish something...it helps to remember that something(s).

1. Finish Physics with at least a 90. --Finished with an 89 and a 98 on the exam, and that is close enough for me--
2. Speak one complete sentence in German in Germany, and get in on tape.
3. Speak one complete sentence in Spanish in Spain, and get it on tape.
4. Speak one complete sentence in Italian in Italy, and get it on tape.
5. Get my poem published in my District's Journal, or try harder next year.
6. Only submit my essay into the Turning Points competition if I am proud of it. --And got it published--
7. Have a lunch of pizza & gelato in the streets of Italy with my friends. --Solitary moments are my fondest--
8. Dance with a Spanish boy in Spain. --Does dancing next to count?--
9. Get a new ear piercing abroad. FAILED TO DO...
10. Receive high honours on all of my exams. WILL NEVER KNOW...
11. Finish grade eleven with at least a 92% average.
12. Visit Rebecca during the summer./Return to St-Raymond.
13. Travel to Ottawa by train. I GOT SPENCE FIXED AND DE-WORMED INSTEAD
14. Visit Carleton's campus. SAME AS ABOVE...
15. Get a job. --Security job at the theatre counts!--
16. Get my permit, then my license. BUT I DID JUST BUY THE HANDBOOK...
17. Buy a car. WITH WHAT MONEY??
18. Get Spencer fixed.
19. Kick ass in the 2012 swim season. --Mission. Accomplished.--
20. Heal my shoulder 100%. CANNOT ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE...BUT I'VE HEALED IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...
21. Actually finish writing a complete novel, not story, admit it, N-O-V-E-L. UHH, NO.

I may not have accomplished all my goals, I am quite proud with how I fared. 13/21...err, right. Maybe I should explain on the goals I failed to do?

Get a new piercing abroad: The only piercing place I could find was on my last night in Barcelona; it was located in someone's apartment on the second floor and looked quite shoddy, so I passed...I kind of regret it now.
Receive high honours on all of my exams: I don't get my exams back, and never got to check the marks.
Travel to Ottawa by train/Visit Carleton's campus: I took the train to Quebec but didn't have enough money to continue to Ottawa, because I had to pay for Spencer to get neutered.
Get my permit, then my license: Again, a money thing, but I did buy the Driver's Handbook and will be taking my permit test before winter vacation is over!
Buy a car: Yeah...I must have thought I was going to win the lottery or something.
Actually finish writing a complete novel: Well, I definitely had large aspirations. I did get a very good dent into the novel I started last year though!

It is Christmas Once More

Today was the last day of classes before Christmas break and the thought of an 18 day break is wonderful; I am so excited not to wake up at 6am for the next couple of weeks. I have curled up in my fuzzy Christmas blanket, taken copious amounts of the Christmas-ness around me, and now I am debating what to do next. There are two Christmas stories that I have been "writing" for the last two years now: every year I always say that I will finish it, but I never seem to. I am not setting the unrealistic goal of finishing these story/novellas with only four days left until Christmas, but I would definitely like to keep working on them. It is always a struggle to remind myself to get the words down and then go from there. You can edit bad writing, but you cannot edit a blank page. In saying that, I guess I will procrastinate for another ten minutes, because I have really been wanting to answer the questions to one of those Christmas tags floating around. I figured it would be a cute way to document my Christmas sentiments this year...

1. What is your favourite holiday movie?
         This is a really hard question, because I love any cheesy, feel-good, Hallmark Christmas movie! However, you cannot beat the classics: I am talking Charlie Brown's Christmas, the cartoon versions of Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas, The Polar Express is a newer movie that I really enjoy as well. 

2. What is your favourite Christmas colour(s)?

         Again, I'm a classics type of girl; I love red, green, and gold!

3. Do you like to stay in your pjs or dress up for Christmas?
         While I open my presents I am still in my pjs, then my mum cooks up a large breakfast once everything has been opened. I usually don't get dressed until it is time to head over to my dad's house around noon. 

4. If you could only buy one person a present this year, who would it be?
            I love giving presents so it is hard to pick only one person out of my family and friends...I think I would have to choose my best friend, because she has had a very rough year and deserves a pick-me-up.

5. Do you open your presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
            When I was younger, I was always allowed to open one present one Christmas Eve, but now that I'm older that tradition has died away, so they all get opened on Christmas morning. 

6. Did you ever believe in Santa Claus as a child?
             Of course!

7. Have you ever built a gingerbread house?
              Not for a few years, but in the past I have.

8. Any Christmas wishes?
              That next year at university will be a good one (and generally a healthy one for all as well) and I will get the job I just applied for!

9. Favourite Christmas smell?
                Christmas to me is a variety of scents; it is a turkey roasting in the oven, the sweet smell of balsam, cinnamon and nutmeg, the warmth of vanilla, the smell of wood burning in the crisp winter air. It is one large combination of scents from my childhood. 

10. Favourite Christmas meal or treat?
                Definitely the chocolates that always seem to pop up, and my memere's cookies. Delicious. 

A Christmas Mood

I haven't been on here much lately, I seem to go through phases, but I thought I would upload some Christmas-y pictures of what my evening has consisted of lately. I love this time of year, even the air feels magical. So, I will be soaking up as much of the atmosphere as possible. 

Much time has been spent staring at Word docs on my computer...this was me trying to get
ahead on a French presentation. Spencer is a wonderful work buddy curled at my feet. 

My colourful Christmas lights have been a constant late-night & early-morning companion. 

The twinkling makes my smile every time I see them out of the corner of my eye.

My two holiday teas are now on heavy rotation:
Celestial Seasonings' Nutcracker Sweet & Stash's Christmas Eve. 

I am taking a night off from homework and trying to decide what to curl up with...

Whichever the book, I have a hot cup of "Christmas Eve" tea to sip on. 

And I am snacking on some dark chocolate I bought today
 whilst Christmas shopping, my one indulgence! 

Well, I suppose it's time for me to curl up with one of the books (I am leaning towards Mrs. Browning Book of Poetry), but I might end up reading snippets of them all.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. <3 i="i">

The end of an amazing thing.

Sometimes, there is honestly nothing better than finishing a thousand word essay in one morning. I have been procrastinating writing this essay for Political Science for about three weeks now, even though I knew from the get-go it would be an extremely easy essay, but part of me just kept putting it off...and off...and off. Alas, it is finally done and every student knows that moment where the laptop and books are closed and you just sit there for a moment. Revelling in the completed-ness. Even though there is another project or essay to finish, those few moments of satisfaction are pure bliss.

That's pretty much been my last few weeks: school, swim, eat and sleep in between. Being captain this year was one of my greatest accomplishments, but it sure made me busy. Now that I have finished provincials, I am going to miss the frantic rush around the pool and going to Mark's room every morning before class. We didn't get to compete in out very last relay because one of our girls went home...but I took over thirty seconds off my 400 front crawl. It's still unbelievable. The timers told me my time and I just froze, I had given my everything, there wasn't anything left. I had done everything I could out in the water and I had no regrets. It helped me beat my time; no, it helped me slaughter my time. I am more excited than ever to have these moments commemorated in the form of a tattoo. I haven't been writing anything outside of school lately, but hopefully that will change.

What Is Irking Me at the Moment...

Recently, I just haven't made the time to write anything besides school work, and while Annabelle curls in the corner neglected, I decided I would break my accidental sabbatical by a rant. Yes, very deep, I know. Whilst I was in French class today, I realized one things that really angers me. To put it in layman's terms, I cannot stand when someone will take an insignificant situation, and use depressed to describe the emotions concerning said event.

E.g.--Say you are really tired and you forget to do your homework, saying "This is so depressing" you are incorrectly using the word depress in my mind.

There are individuals out there who struggle daily to find the urge and willpower to get out of bed--they are depressed. By referring to some, seemingly, infinitesimal event as depressing, you are lowering the seriousness of their situation, and making them feel insignificant.

Is there a pause button?

University is looming. I am in the process of applying to the OUAC and last night a representative from Carleton called. Everything is coming up so soon and now more than ever I am unsure if Journalism is the direction I want to head. Talking to the girl last night she mentioned how different the writing is from English; it is very straight-forward and direct. I don't know if that is something I can do... I am depending on my Co-Op next semester to show me what to do. But it makes me nervous to apply NOW for a program I might not want to be in.

I also had my Grad pictures taken today and as the photographer placed the cap upon my head I began trembling. The tears just came and I had to fight them back, astonished at myself. Afterwards, I went into Ms. Haughan's classroom and when I showed her my pictures, she began to cry. I couldn't help myself then. I stayed after school to talk to her too, and missed my bus, but she was kind enough to drive me home.

I am just overwhelmed by the applications and fees and other costs that are piling up at a break-neck speed.

Thankful.

I have neglected writing on her for what seems like forever... In defense, a lot had been going on. Herb came home on Saturday (and everything is going fine!) and before that I spent the week going to school then heading straight to the hospital. So, all in all, it was quite busy, and will be busy for the next few weeks. This Thanksgiving, I am extremely thankful for the good health of my parents. Hopefully, there will be no more visits to the hospital in regards to my mum and dad.

School by Default

I've recently really wanted to post here but I feel as if I am going to talk about either Herb's health problems or complain like a whiny girl about how I miss my ex-boyfriend. One is too close to my heart to feel comfortable sharing as the wound is still fresh and raw, while the second one is pitiful. 

So I suppose I will fall back onto the subject of school. I really am liking my classes this year and am over-the-moon that I finally have a year where I like/love all of my classes. Spanish is new and exciting, Political Science is knowledgeable, and I love the videos of inspirational material I get to watch in Writing class. 

It was during Writing class that I stumbled upon a spoken word poet by the name of Taylor Mali...my word was I amazed by this fellow. I had to come home and watch more videos of his work. Then, tonight, I stumbled across a new poet by the name of Tyler Knott Gregson who I appear to love as well. I have only read a few little excerpts but so far, I love it. 

Senior year and the end of summer

Today was my last first day of high school, ever. I started senior year and after two months of worrying and two wrong schedules, everything is finally in order. This morning my teacher didn't hand me my schedule right away and I thought he was just joking when he started making inquisitive faces and muttering, "what?" because he knew how stressed out I was. It turned out he was not joking and that I had only been assigned one period instead of five for my first semester... But he called the office for me and I met with our lovely vice-principal who was very sweet and patient with me while we worked it out. A lot of my courses are level one and also in the same time slot so that initially posed a large problem. However, the option of online courses and independent studies were available to me and now I can take the courses I need for university!

This year will definitely be an emotional one for, during out welcome assembly I believe they mentioned seniors, last year, and graduating about fifty times. I will admit I was tearing up...

The summer feels as if it passed so quickly, yet exam week feels months ago. I am so excited for my courses, as well as very nervous, but I think I am taking it all in stride. I spent the last month of summer up at the Rock with my Gram which was an amazing opportunity. The town was small, the people not always nice,  but the time spent with my grandmother was all worth it. I didn't do much except read and write, which wasn't exactly a bad thing. I thought moving up there would help distract my mind from the things that have been going on, but unfortunately that was not the case. It actually gave me even more time to think which was very counter-productive. It's was pretty difficult seeing him in school today, and I stumbled across some of our old messages but I'm optimistic that it will get better.

Problematic Dreams

The last two nights I have been having the strangest dreams. Whenever I wake up I feel disoriented and not sure where the line between reality and fake lies. I have had the typical dreams about flying, which when you wake up seem absurd and you can laugh them off. The dreams that have been staying with me however are the ones that use my past against me and almost seem taunting.

I've had dreams where I am back together with my ex-boyfriend and everything is happy again. Where he wants to be with me and we are the couple that meshes together perfectly. Then last night I had a dream where Nicheal and I were together, having a sleepover and generally being best friends again. I should've known it was fake though, she was exactly how I remember her, not how she is today; blonde, frizzy hair and slightly crooked teeth.

I feel like these dreams are almost torturous, showing me what "could-have-been" but it's not, it didn't happen. So, when I have to wake up and face the reality after what seems to be a glimpse into the future it hurts all over again. I know it won't happen but my damn subconscious seems to enjoy teasing me. 

A Drive to Remember

I am writing this from my grandmother's house and the journey to arrive here was quite...interesting. Simply put, I will be writing up a complaint letter to Acadian Lines; as well as, including another letter of my first incident with their company, which happened the last time I travelled with them. Needless to say, if I can help it, I will not be travelling with this company unless some serious problems are changed. Even though things were hellish it is impossible to drive through New Brunswick at sunset and not be amazed at the gorgeous sights. 

A grainy webcam picture really does the sight no justice but part of the enjoyment in these pictures is the bickering my mother and I had trying to get "the shot". Thankfully, my mother and I were certainly able to laugh at some of the aspects of our trip, even when we wanted to scream!

I don't think that I will ever tire of seeing a beautiful sunset; I hope, at least, that I will always be amazed at the beauty, and simplicity. 

Getting Away Up North

I have never really posted about my trip to Quebec but already I have my bags packed again. This time for a little bit of a longer get-away to my grandmother's for the rest of the summer. I am looking forward to the stress-free situation very much, almost as much as spending time with my ninety year old great-grammie who currently lives alone. I come from a line of very independent women as I have an eighty-something nanny leaving in the same area alone as well.

I suppose this proves how unlike I am from the normal teenage girl. I am willingly giving up the majority of my summer to move to a small town (where there is nothing really to do) just to keep my grammie company. But I don't find anything wrong with that and am quite proud. The one thing that I will miss more than anything is my cat, I feel so guilty for leaving Spencer here for a whole month defenceless...

I have my suitcase half packed (quite literally) with books though, so I am sure that I will keep busy in my favourite way. Hopefully, I will get some writing down as well.

More books?

Quite a bit has happened recently but it wasn't the semi-impromptu visit to Quebec that I decided to write a post about finally, no it was the realization that my local Dollar Store sells books. I always knew that they sold children's books and crossword books but when I had a peek at the bottom shelf tonight I saw hard cover "grown-up" books. For. Two. Dollars.

* Insert embarrassing dance and squeal emitted by me in the kids aisle. *

I narrowed my selections down to only two novels because my dad was the one buying them; I ended up choosing Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby and Dracula: The Un-Dead by Dacre Stoker and Ian Holt. After a quick Goodreads search Juliet, Naked seems promising but unfortunately Dracula: The Un-Dead had an abundance of poor reviews and one stars. I still have my fingers crossed however because everyone enjoys different literature.

I love a good deal on books and for two dollars each, you can't really go wrong. And this doesn't even conflict with the semi-book ban I had put myself on because these books were purchased for less than 5% of the original cover value. Yup, I am very okay with that.

The horizon seems promising.

The last few days I have felt antsy, like there is something I should be doing but I'm not (laundry excluded of course). Today, around three, I had that feeling again. I was laying down on my bed and I just felt like there was something that I had to be out doing. I literally had to remind myself that it was summer, I had nothing planned, and I didn't feel good; I was staying in that bed.

Maybe I've felt this way because I have been planning, planning, planning lately. I really wanted to make it to Ottawa this summer and stay on the campus but unfortunately, it doesn't seem like that will be happening. But somehow, I have just enough money in my bank account(s) to buy a train ticket to Quebec and still have money left over to get Spencer fixed. I am not sure how exactly it worked out but I am happy none-the-less.

I am overjoyed at the prospect of seeing Rebecca in a few days but am no where near prepared. The ticket hasn't even been bought yet. I am unsure of what to bring with me, I will only be gone the weekend so unfortunately it is a short visit. But I am so excited to travel by train. It might end up a disaster being squeezed next to stinky, old men for 12 hours but the hassle is half the fun of the travel.

The reason I am fighting so hard for this trip to Quebec is because this will be my last "vacation" for awhile. After I come back I will be spending the last dredges of my spare change on Spencer before packing back up and moving up North for the rest of the summer. Yup...up North, to where my grammies live. I really am excited, it seems like an adventure in itself. I have always wanted to do something like this and I feel it is just what I need right now with what has been going on. And then next summer will be full of the hassle of trying to move and settle into a new town.

Even though the prospect of going broke after buying one train ticket and paying a vet's bill makes me cringe I know that I won't regret it. Yes, I need to save money for university but I know I would regret it more if I didn't do these things. Money is meant to be spent, life is meant to be lived.

Everything is going to be okay.

I have so many emotions swirling around in this heart of mine right now that I am not sure what to do. Earlier, I told myself not to write about it because not everything needs to put into words, sometimes you have to just let yourself feel. Well, it kind of worked but I feel as if I am about to explode now. My mind is diving in all different directions and I am not sure which way to follow.

Do you know those moments when a piece of news hits you and you just freeze? You may have sensed its presence on the horizon, and perhaps attempted to brace yourself, but you can never be fully prepared. A ton of bricks will hit you and in a split second everything seems to have changed. The stars will continue to shine, the sun will continue to rise and the steady tick of the clock drones on but nothing seems the same. The stars look different; the sun, perhaps brighter; and the clock seems faster, or maybe slower. But the difference lies within you. You are viewing everything with newer eyes, because you have changed. 

It takes time to heal from something reeling like that, but time is something that we aren't promised. 

So, yes you may seem eager, but send that message. You may not want to, but let those tears fall; they will help heal you and allow you to think. A message from a friend may contain heart-breaking or hopeful words, with today's technology the effect will be near instantaneous. Don't hide from those feelings. Allow them in, greet them with a smile and a mug of tea. Everything is going to be okay.

A Full Circle

It's funny how things change.

Two years ago, I remember a summer night spent talking to Cody and how over-the-moon I was. Then Chad called, my mood instantly changed. I remember not wanting to be hurt by him again so I effectively ended our conversation. That was the last time we spoke.

Until now.

Tonight, it was a summer night that turned to sour when Cody changed my mood with a simple few sentences. I felt horrible. Then a small little message from Chad proved to me that there may be hope, because things do happen for a reason.

I have matured a lot in two years and both of these guys have helped me do that. Unfortunately, it only seems possible to have one of them in my life at a time.

Grief, despair, loss.

Today I couldn't help but struggle with what was the "proper" way to deal with my grief. Even while thinking it I couldn't help but scold myself on how there was no proper guideline of instructions on showing your grief; you can hold it in, or let it out. I usually choose to hold it in. I knew I was being ridiculous but I couldn't help feeling like I didn't have a right to cry. Around me were people who were so much closer to Kenny, I never knew him that well so, why should I cry? But...after so many years of hiding away behind a wall, I am very open with my emotions. Sometimes it will come back to hurt me but, in my opinion, that is much better than bottling everything up. 

Even though I did not know him as well as I wish I had, Kenny was still my uncle. And for that, I love him. And for that, staring at his deceased corpse was unbelievably hard. 

After his long fight with cancer, his operation was his only chance at life. Ironically, this operation cost him his life. Everyone thought that we had seen the light at the end of the tunnel, that his fight was almost over. Coming out of surgery everything had seemed so promising, yet things turned so very fast. I would like to believe that Kenny did not suffer as he passed, and his heart contained memories of the good times with his family and friends. 

I suppose, however, that we were right in a way. Kenny's fight is now over and he will suffer no more. He will always be remembered and loved. The memories he has left us with will be cherished until we come to our final resting place as well. A candle will burn in my heart in memory of my uncle Kenny, always.

When the sun has set, no candle can replace it.

Today was the day that I had to return to school to obtain my marks and next years schedule. Now, my marks aren't as good as they were last semester but I am happy with them. I am not disappointed in myself in the least and I feel good. I have had to sort out my priorities a little this semester and perhaps that has taken from my marks but the goals I strived towards for my exams, I made! Of course there are going to be the thoughts that if I had done better on this or that I could have a better average but I can honestly say that I gave it my all this year, and looking at my marks, it has paid off for me. 

After getting my marks, I realized how amazing my teachers truly are. I had a teacher go above and beyond the call of duty today and it has made me prouder than ever to go to my school.

It was a scorcher in my town today--reaching 32 degrees--so my dad, my brother, and I met up at the lake and went for a swim to cool off before having a BBQ at home. It was one of those days that absolutely drains you, purely because of the heat and sun exposure. My skin still feels clammy after nine o'clock and I feel exhausted but I am finishing today at my dining room table with my laptop. One of my favourite things to do lately has been to edit my short story at this table near sunrise or sunset. The beauty of the sky offers the perfect view to gaze into as I decipher where Annabelle will go next. Of course, burning candles always prove to be the perfect companion for this journey.

And the secret garden bloomed and bloomed and every morning revealed new miracles.

I have had the movie based on The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett for absolutely ages. And I am talking about early middle school/late elementary school, back in the pre-pubescent years. Yet, for some reason, I never watched this film. It was about a week or more ago now that I stumbled across a picture of the book The Secret Garden online, before that I never even knew that it was a novel! Immediately, my mind remembered that I had this DVD stored in my room and I knew that I had to read the book before watching the movie.

The book, in my opinion, was magical. It was amazing. I have never rated a book with five stars before now but I knew the moment I finished reading that this was a Five Star Kind-Of Novel. From the very beginning I was drawn into this world created my Frances Hodgson Burnett and I never wanted to leave. Per usual, I feel that the book was much better then the film, but I may have a biased opinion. Regardless, whilst reading the book I felt immediate sympathy for the main character, Mary, even though she is presented as a spoiled little girl. I adored every character in the book and, for me, they did not feel flat at all. I feel that the characters are presented perfectly, I was not left with any enormous question and nor was I bored with the extrenuous details. This is not a story about romance but about friendship and trust and secrets and the magic that exists all around us.

The factor that earned this novel five stars, for me, with the descriptive writing. I absolutely adore descriptive writing, I get transported into novels very easily so when there are details describing the scene it is a huge selling point. But do not think this book had pages and pages of details to describe one scene! Merely it painted the backdrop in my mind perfectly. I was suddenly ten years old again and amongst the tendrils of roses hanging from the trees. I ran through the gardens with Dickon and Mary, followed by Soot and the robin in the air.

To me, this book was magical in every sense of the word. It has the magic of believing, the magic that only an innocent soul can have. Yet these innocent, young souls also have felt heartache and hurt before, they have experienced hardships or loss. There are possible deeper meaning to interpret but quite simply, the garden symbolized hope and re-growth to me.

This book carries with it, an important message. It stimulates imagination and shows what perseverance can do. It is a novel that I know I will be reading to my children some day.

One rose says more than a dozen.

Today was a gorgeous, hot, sunny Fathers' Day that, for my family, was spent on the beach. We all packed into the car around noon and what started out to be a horrible day turned into a pleasant family outing, I was pleasantly surprised. Hours were spent on a new found beach and now I can be found, quite exhausted, sprawled out on my bed with eyelids drooping. But I thought that after such a wonderful, sunny day that now would be a great time to write a post. Lately, I have really been wanting to do another one of these posts and over the last little bit it seems that I have accumulated a few photos that capture the simple happy moments.

The weekend before my exam week, my mum surprised me with a picked rose whilst I was studying for my Functions and Relations exam. She told me to keep it close and whenever I got too stressed out to take a whiff of this fragrant bud. The little reminder to smell the roses every once in awhile was much appreciated.

Being sick this past Friday night (and the whole week...) meant a hot cup of lemon balm and honey tea, with extra honey, and a surprise Caramilk bar followed by listening to music on the couch. It seems that a surprise never fails to brighten my mood. 

Today on the beach I spent more time than I would care to admit constructing this magnificent sand "castle" (moat, trap door, and shell-topped-roof included) for fun and as proof that you are never too old to play in the sand.

There is no friend as loyal as a good book.

It was with a deep breath that I finally faced what I have been avoiding for almost a year this morning...

After I got a cup of caffeine into my system I began stacking and sorting my collection and I was more than shocked with the end result.

Here I have pictured 57 different titles of novels--not including the three duplicates I acquired--of unread books. I don't know how it got so out of hand...or rather, I do and chose to ignore it. So, I have made it my goal to finish these books this summer, or at least the grand majority! And until then, I will limit myself on the amount of books I buy. I say limit because I do not do well with strict boundaries and to me, summer screams yard sales and finding second hand book stores full of gems. Out of this array of books I would say at least half (probably more) was bought at an SPCA sale last summer for 3$. Yes, I walked up to the old gentleman at the till, who happened to be a retired teacher, with a flat box full of books with more stuffed under my arms and he said, "ahh, a dollar please". I stared at him and asked him to repeat himself before stuffing three dollars into the old sweets tin that was being used as a cash box.

Needless to say, it rests easy on my conscience when I look at these books and know that a grand majority are second-hand, some are borrowed, some were gifts, and not one was bought by me at full price. Looking at these stacks I would say less than 35$ dollars came out of my own pocket and I can't really complain about that now can I? I know that these will be read without a doubt and until they are, no books will be bought by me at full price.

One Last Stepping Stone Away

It is with a remorseful smile that I say goodbye to this school year. In all honesty, I can't truly believe that it is already over for I feel as if this semester began only yesterday. But, as of today at approximately 10:40am I finished the last exam of my grade 11 year...and it still hasn't sunk in.

Looking back, it has been a crazy year, one full of a lot of great memories as well as the bad, of course. The definite downside to this school year was hurting my shoulder back it November, and the highlight was without a doubt Italy. Even though cat-fights occurred and friendships were tarnished, walking around the streets of Florence was magical. I parted ways from the crowd and got lost within the beauty of the stone walls...as well as getting lost literally as well. I was never scared, however, I was the epitome of calmness and serenity.  I kept walking, taking random turns, walking down the cobble stone streets, and I would eventually find myself on a road I remembered...before I would turn back to the labyrinth of side streets and begin a new journey, content I could find my way. I think, even above Rome, Florence was my favourite stop along the way, it was there that I received a taste of true freedom.

Looking back on the year, I am happy. A part of my wishes that, perhaps, I would have studied a little harder for that test, done a little better on the assignment, or tried a little more at that practice, but I have no regrets. I accomplished a great deal this school year and am amazed at it. I will not know my final marks until next week but I feel confident, I know that I gave it all that I could in the time frame I was in. It is easy to look at a test mark and think I should have studied more, but not as easy to look back at the nights you spent studying and remember the stress you were under to finish one more assignment or one more essay.

It is with fright that I say that I am no longer in grade eleven; as of next Thursday, I will officially be a senior. After that, it is only one more year. Only one more year within the confines of high school. Only one more year of spending my lunch hours at the pool. It really is frightening...and exciting at the same time. I can't say that I feel I am completely prepared for my graduating year, but I certainly am eager to be one step to my dreams of University.

Exam Week...

School is so close to being over that I can almost taste it! But that doesn't mean that it has been an easy ride getting here. This year has been tough, to put it lightly. I am hoping beyond hopes that next year will be calmer but I am sure that I will find some way to make it crazy. These last few weeks have all been in preparation for my exams that start Monday... Amidst studying the current material for tests and assignments I have also been trying to study the material we covered in February, which, let me tell you, is no easy feat. I am completely and utterly and unbelievably exhausted right now.

My routine lately has been: take half an hour to get up, throw on half-clean clothes, make it to school, get through classes, come home, lay on bed exhausted until supper, eat, study, sleep & repeat. Today, however, I varied slightly. I was laying on my bed, trying to find the effort to move my head and I thought there is no way that I will be able to get through studying without caffeine. So, it took a few minutes, but I got up and made my way downstairs to make a vanilla-infused coffee. I am currently milking the remaining dregs of said coffee and it is delicious. Caffeine really does work wonders...it got me through a 36 hr+ day last week and I am sure it will get me through many more.


I suppose, however, that I really must get to studying the impossible mathematical equations that Functions & Relations 111 entails as I have now accepted that there isn't a drop of coffee left in my mug. And, I suppose, I should also crack open my Chemistry textbook and attempt to remember when an atom decreases in size, or how to calculate the percentage of water, or how to balance equations. While I am at it, I should also study the Nitrogen and Carbon Cycles for Environmental Science. And practising sentence combining and précis writing for English would also be a good idea...

On the second hand...another cup of coffee sounds good.

Published!

It was with great pride that I can now utter the words, I am published. In fact, when asked what was new with me the other day I may have squealed out those same three words. I can't help it, I don't mean to brag but I just cannot contain my excitement. In the span of two weeks I received news that I had a poem printed in my District's "The Write Stuff" magazine and then, that an essay of mine won fourth overall in New Brunswick and was being published in a "Turning Points" magazine that is printed all over Canada.

It feels so weird to write bios of myself to be printed but most of all it seems weird that I have the possibility to do so! I am still on a high and am so excited to attend the launch next Monday. It feels as if numerous doors have opened up before me and I am still staring at them, dumbfounded. Everything that I am striving towards seems so much closer. The opportunities I have been given in the form of writing workshops has given me the possibility to interact and communicate with published authors and has improved my writing.

When school is getting harder and I am getting frustrated, just taking a step back puts everything into perspective. In a few more weeks I will be done with Chemistry, the equations will go away and I will have gained another aspect of knowledge. And in the mean-time, I am being bloody published, I can't stay frustrated when I think of that.

My Home Town

I will be the first of my friends to admit that I cannot wait to move away. Unlike my friends however, it has nothing to do with my home town, because I love my home town. Sure, it may not have the coolest stores to shop--I would flip for a Yankee Candle or BBW-- but it I love it. I love our uptown area, you can walk around and see all of the characters in the book; from the homeless to the snobby. I love the second-hand bookshops we have uptown and the awesome space that is our City Market.

I was walking from my Dad's to my Mum's today (relatively pissed off) and couldn't help but fall in love with my city all over again. It certainly is no Rome, or New York, or Quebec, but it's home, I can't help but fall in love every time I go for a walk uptown. I love the old architecture that it has to offer, brick buildings with beautiful awnings and old stone churches litter uptown. Whenever I walk around I can't help but stare with a silly smile dancing on my face. I think about who lived in this buildings before, who walked this streets. For a history junkie, living in a city that has visible historical features still present is a drug.

Like I said earlier, there are many characters uptown. You never know who you are going to meet. From the old bum who always asks for three quarters to the the kind gentlemen who would never has a lady for change, we have them all. Certainly, a few of them are crazy, a few  are off no worse than you or I, and a few are kind souls.

Here where I live, you never know what you are going to run into on these streets. But even while touring the streets in a bad mood, the buildings will still put pretty thoughts in my head. And when you met a kind stranger who tells you that you are a beautiful young lady when your hair is falling out of its haphazard bun and sweat is glistening on your face, I can't help but love all of the surprises my home town has to offer.

Books!

For the first time in a long while I have decided to do another inspiration for a rainy day post! On Friday night I visited a church book sale in my town and I must say I was in my element completely. I did restrain myself however and only cam away with five books. I regret it a little, not buying more that is, but I am very happy with my purchases.

- An old Mrs. Browning poetry book that I picked up for the cover and age alone.
- Translation:Aistreann-Tammy Armstrong, a book set in my home province about a girl who moves to Ireland and back, I couldn't refuse!
- The Best of Times-Penny Vincenzi,that HUGE book about how one day affects four different strangers on the same path.
- Letter Writing, a book from the 20's on the importance of writing letters and how to do so.
- A Cup of Comfort for Writers, I saw this book and just couldn't help myself, the stories are heart-warming and I think that a writer on any scale can understand writer's block and feeling inadequate.

All for $2.50...I am a very happy camper who is overjoyed with her pile of books, but first I have to finish The Game of Kings; set it Scotland 1457! I must saw when I do tackle this stack of books, I am looking forward to reading Translation:Aistreann the most.

Aminata Diallo: The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill

Question: If you were placed in the main character's shoes, what would you do differently?

Answer: If I was placed in Aminata's shoes it is hard to say what I would, or could, have done differently. Laying here on my soft, double bed with electronics nearby, my skin seems startlingly white and it is hard to even imagine myself in her shoes, or the shoes of any slave. I can only hope and dream that I would have been half as strong and brave as Aminata Diallo, then pray that that is a theory that never gets tested. But, the question is what I would have done differently and I doubt that what I would have done would have benefited me any grand amount. I can speculate that I would not have the same determination to live as `Meena` did. I do not think that after having everything I know, own and love ripped away from me again and again, that I could have found the will to live. Thinking of the horrible treatment and brutal conditions that she, and so many others endured, I know that I would have crippled under the strain of it, unable to bear this wretched, inhumane way of life. Everyone likes to think that when placed in a dangerous situation that they would be able to conquer and to survive, even myself. In this situation I fear that I would have met the same fate as many others, my lifeless body would be added to a shallow grave; the deep, ruthless sea; or left to rot. I can only imagine the lives of those in the slave trade through the eyes of Aminata Diallo and know, if I was placed in her shoes, I would never survive.

An Amazing Last Week

I remember a few weeks ago I had signed onto Edline and saw that I was practically failing English, after having a really rough week with my teacher I was quite upset about this and after seeing my less than stellar note in French I promptly broke into tears. Following which I ran to the bathroom and cried my little heart out. After I got myself together I went back out and checked my e-mail, I had received an e-mail from someone telling me that my poem was accepted into a magazine. Of course, this made my burst into tears yet again and give my mother a great, big hug. It was a big hurrah and I felt like shoving it in my English teacher's face, but that would be entirely inappropriate and immature, so I did a victory dance with my mum instead.

The poem I am talking about is a poem I wrote back in the fall of 2009 about my, then sick, friend. Unfortunately, he passed away in February of 2010. I think that because he is no longer with us, this poem has brought on a new meaning to me, personally. Reading the poem over again a few years later of course I am critical and the writing isn't really the best, there are lines that I could go back and word differently to give a bigger impact but I almost don't want to, scratch that, I don't want to. This poem comes from a very different part of my life. While it was written only a few years ago, it feels like decades. I was a completely different person back then and because of this the poem has a special place in my heart they way it is. It was before "my turning point". Back when I was younger and a lot more naive.

With everything that has been happening these last few weeks it just feels incredible. I got the invitation today inviting me to the launch of this magazine and I felt like crying. Holding this invitation in my hands it makes it so real, I don't even know how I will feel when I see my name in print. I also received another invitation to another writing seminar, this one with a small fee and transportation. I know that I should take it, especially with the enticing prospect of one-on-one with an author but I just don't know. Maybe because next week is another short week and I don't want to miss more school but I just don't know if I want to go. Of course, I said that at first about the last one didn't I? I know that it would be a great opportunity...the more I think of it, they more it sounds interesting, I could edit a piece of work of mine and bring it in to see what they say...

I also finished up the Jewish Holocaust Memorial Study Group I was a part of since back in January, it is great to be able to go back to going to school everyday and not worrying about missing work but I am really going to miss this group. It was hard work at times but I sincerely enjoyed everything that we learned and all of the people we were given a chance to meet.

Last week was amazing in many different ways and I hope that it goes up from here.

Murder Mystery Workshop

It was unbelievably awesome. I loved it. I enjoyed every minute.

I can't believe that I almost didn't go.

On the first day, we started by being separated into groups and had to write and act out how we thought Ms. Priscilla Stone was murdered. But honestly, I think I could have sat there and listened to Alistair and Valerie just talk. They were so informative and just listening to their advice on writing was amazing. They offered great advice, on how to write and how to draw your readers in. We also talked about how important the senses are when writing. So, as an exercise to work on that they handing out a different item out to everyone that had to do with the a certain sense and you had to write about it. I got a little bottle of Rum Extract and had to write only on the smell, although I did slip a cheeky little blurb about its colour in there. I found it really hard to write purely on the scent but I managed to get a paragraph down, it was great to challenge myself and it really helped for the next bit of writing we did. We were given three words: she came in... And we had to write a paragraph starting with those three words. I ended up writing a page and a half but I really liked what I wrote, and so did he!! I was so unbelievably pumped that he liked it, and he mentioned that he liked it more than once! We finished up the day by talking and listening to one of Valerie's stories on the war which was read on CBC and on the radio for a few years, it was a great piece and I might have shed a tear or two, it was non-fiction, which made it impact even harder.

On day two we started by writing our very own detective to solve the murder of Ms. Priscilla. I created a roly-poly, bald gentleman who was quite vain but knew how to solve a case. It was great writing about him and I kept it a little comical because my piece on day two was a little sad. We did a few activities and talked for awhile before starting to write our very own ending to the mystery. It was crazy how diverse we all we and while I wish I had more time to delve into the topic more I think I did okay considering. It wasn't my best but I was happy with it. Afterwards though, the more amazing thing EVER happened. Every time we wrote we would have to get up in front of everyone, around twenty people, and write our work. Now, usually just the thought of letting people hear my work makes me start to hyperventilate! But Alistair said something that I think will stick with me, he said, "If you don't want to read your work or have your work read than you might as well go write a diary and go sit in your bedroom and read it all alone on your bed." It hit me then, he was totally right! It is really scary reading my work out loud for an audience or allowing someone to read it but it's something I have to get over, and I think that, maybe, that fear will always be there but I can't let it hinder me any more. If I met someone who can possibly help me any way, giving advice or giving feedback, I have to take it!

Anyway, as I was saying, I got up and read my ending to the story and Valerie told me to audition for CBC.... In complete seriousness, and more than once, she was quite consistent. She gave compliments and feedback to everyone but I was the only one she said anything like that to! She just told me that I was a really good writer and that I had a lovely voice, that I knew how to express my words quite well and that I spoke with the emotion. I was absolutely floored. It was unbelievable. I walked out of that room thinking that I can actually do this, I can write. I was walking on a high for days, I felt as if I could have done anything! This was such an incredible experience, worth every extra minute I had to spend doing homework and I feel that it really has helped my writing.

A Bundle of Nerves and Excitement

So, once again I have another wonderful opportunity to be thankful and grateful for. I was presented with the chance to go to a writing workshop for two days, during which we will each create our own little short "murder mystery" story and have authors there who will help us. I only found out today and the workshop starts tomorrow so it is completely last notice, for that reason I was really humming and hawing about the whole deal, especially with the prospect of missing two days of school. I am still nervous about missing school because I seem to be missing a lot lately for school activities but as a friend put it, Chemistry that you will never use again or your career. Because let's face it, she was right, this is what I want to do, not working out equations.

I am beyond happy to be going to this workshop and am over the moon that there will be two authors there who will help us. On the other hand, as usual, I am distraught at the thought that they will actually be reading my work. I mean, what if they don't like it? Does that mean I suck? Everyone has different tastes so even if they don't like it, that doesn't mean it is terrible, does it? I am pretty much a complete wreck, a bundle of nerves and excitement, waiting with baited breath for tomorrow...

Happy Easter

I hate holidays. All they are is an excuse for families who do not get along to come together and pretend to be happy and loving but above all, unbelievably phony. I am sick of the awkward dinners I have sat through fuming because I would legitimately kill to be anywhere else. I am sick of the fighting. I am sick of the drinking. I am tired of becoming depressed during a time when you are supposed to be happy, but what else is new?

I just want them to be over. I want people to be honest. No, I don't like you and you bug me. How hard is that? It just seems that every holiday lately has been tainted by some dark cloud. Whether it be a fight that has taken place or someone who has taken one too many sips from the bottle. It is so frustrating, I love these people, some days, deep down, but traits of their personalities make my teeth grind and my blood boil. A day that started off so well has once again come to a startling halt. Snow and cupcakes have been overshadowed by the same familial problems.

Starting to panic?

You could say that this has been a hard week. Or you could say this has been a week from the deep, fiery depths of hell. Whichever you prefer.


Besides everything in my last post this week was one full of tests that I know I did not do particularly well on. As well as having one of my teachers tell me that I am not working up to par whilst I have a 91 in his class. Now, I struggle with trying to tell myself daily that I do not have to get 100's and if I don't get the perfect grade, that is okay, it doesn't mean I am stupid or worthless. So, to have a teacher that I hold up to a high standard tell me that, well, it made me feel stupid and worthless. It is so hard to try, try, try and still feel like you're not good enough. Everyone seems to think that this comes naturally to me, that it is easy for me to get high honours and do extracurricular activities but in actuality it is a struggle every day. I strive to get those good marks and high standing, I work for every little thing I receive. I study and do homework from when I get home to when I go to bed at night. And when I have those rare evenings when I only have three hours of homework to do I consider myself lucky and try to relax and unwind but I still feel guilty.

Lately I have just been so tired, mentally and physically, I am tried of trying so hard for such little reward. I get nothing in return and while sometimes getting a really good mark is enough of a reward but after two years, sometimes it isn't. I just feel like saying screw it and giving up. I don't even want to try anymore, that is how tired I have become. I suppose these thoughts I have been having that I will not get accepted into Carleton aren't helping either. I just feel like it's such a long shot, why do I even think I have a chance? That sounds pathetic just writing it out but it's how I feel. Maybe I just need a smack upside the head but mostly I just need to get away. I am panicking because I feel that in one years time, instead of getting my acceptance letter, I will be getting my rejection letter. I am panicking because I feel as if I am failing at everything right now. I need a recuperation period because I am exhausted...

Frustrated

My emotions have just been all over the place and I am so worried about Sarah. She is going through an unbelievably difficult time right now and I just wish there was something more that I could do. I am trying to be there as much as I can but I get so frustrated when there is nothing I can do to help her more. And it is not helping that now the teachers are trying to "help" me by telling me I have to get to class. I was so infuriated with Murch to have the nerve to tell me I don't have to be her "keeper" and by going behind my back to talk to principals. If he only realized that I almost lost it when they told me to go to class as I was comforting my friend. I am sorry but men in their 40's+ do not know how to comfort a teenage girl, especially when they do not know her full back story and family drama. Of course, by the teachers' starting to worry about my grades it sent Sarah into tears that she was doing this to me, apologizing profusely. What no one seems to realize or understand is that this is my option. It is my choice. I have had plenty of opportunities to walk away, to walk back to class but I am not the one who can leave their friend behind when they need help the most. Maybe it is because it has happened to me so many times. But walking back to class, leaving her in the midst of recovery, was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. These adults aren't understanding anything at all regardless of how they try. Getting into someone's face and asking questions while it is happening doesn't help anything. And you know what? I was called out of class less than twenty minutes later because she was having another one. When will they put one and one together? It sickens me that Sarah feels she is imposing on me or asking too much when this happens. I am her best friend and what kind of monster would ignore their friend when they are in need?

The feeling I hate most is frustration. I hate being unable to do something or told that I can not do something. I hate that feeling of restriction and not knowing what to do. Right now, my frustration level is sky high and I feel like I could scream, or punch another wall.

If I could do anything...

I don't know what it is, maybe it is just the graduation jitters, that has to exist right? But the closer I get to graduation, which is still a little over a year away, I start to question everything. Since grade nine I have come to the conclusion that I want to write. I want to write fictional stories to be precise but did the parents ever flip when they heard that. I imagine that it might be every parents' fear that their child will fail at life and I suppose they just want their kid to succeed and do well. At least that's what I tell myself so it doesn't seem as if they didn't believe in me at the time.

An ironic thing is, when I first began telling people I wanted to write they would always just look at me like I had three heads and then say, “Oh, like a journalist?”. I heard that line so many times that I was ready to clonk all of their heads together and scream. I wanted to tell them no, not like a journalist at all, other individuals write as well I hope you know. I want to be an author. It just became so frustrating that it all began to feel like no one believed I could actually do it. Which of course led to self-doubt, which I still battle with today. That miserable year was the year I visited Rabbit Island and there not one person questioned that path I had chosen as my desire. I always say that it was Rabbit island that kept me writing because it is true. I had a whole group of strangers that had never read anything I had written but believed in me because, why not?

Yet, when I fell in love with Carleton University I found that they have a journalism program, and I could see myself attending their journalism program. So, for the past year I have been toying with the idea in my head of going into journalism, I could still write but I would also have a stable career. But because it is such a prestigious program to get into it is hard for me to decipher if I really want to go into this program but am having second thoughts because I am scared I will not get in or if I really don't want to down that career path. I only wish that I would be able to take Co-Op about five different times to try out different careers and see which is for me, before I invest tens of thousands of dollars into it.

I think the problem is that I can see myself doing numerous of different things and that is why it has become difficult to me to decide what I want to pursue after my post-secondary education. I could see myself becoming a teacher or a scientist, a librarian or a journalist, numerous different careers that aren't all similar. In a dream world where the money tree in my back yard was limitless and I could do whatever I wanted I would attend Carleton and receive a Bachelor of Journalism Degree before receiving a Master's degree in English Literature and History. Then of course I would travel though Great Britain and France for a year, with a few weekend trips to other countries in Europe before settling down somewhere. From there I would open up my own Second Hand Book Shop where I could play librarian all day and read and write. Then, later on in life, I might teach some university courses a few days a week with multiple books published under my name. I would own tiny little cottages throughout Europe that I would visit during the summer for a few weeks with my ever present cat.

If I could have anything in the world...this is what I would want.

Feeling Frustrated

Everyone has those days, when no matter what you do it just feels like you aren't getting anywhere and you just need to rant. For me, it seems that this week has been full of moments like that. Whether it was trying to do my Chemistry homework after missing a day of school or at the pool it seems as if I am taking gigantic leaps backwards instead of forwards. I suppose however the hardest moments have been at the pool. Because of my shoulder injury I wasn't able to swim for two months so finally after waiting for what seems like years, you have to remember I swam once a day beforehand, I was so overjoyed to get back into the pool. I don't know what I was expecting but my shoulder didn't magically heal when I entered the water. No, it still hurt and I was unable to use that arm, only allowed to do kick. But I figured I could wean myself back onto using that arm, I followed every rule prescribed by the physiotherapist, it had to get better! And it was, the pain had scaled down immensely, I was overjoyed by the concept that maybe, sometime soon, I would be able to use both arms again. Then the incident happened.

I suppose it is a true sign that my arm was getting better because one night when I was opening my door and having a little difficulty, I shoved my arm against the door, my whole weight behind it, to get it to open up. Yes, that arm, on the bright side the door opened and I learned a very important lesson, not to use your bad arm regardless if you think it is getting better because now I am back to square one. Icing it more than I would like and taking my prescribed medication again. I know writing this it doesn't seem like a big deal, children are starving all over the world, people have missing limbs and are off much worse than me but to a teenage girl who just wants to be healthy and be back swimming I am scared and angry and disappointed. Scared that I have damaged my shoulder for the rest of my life, which if I am honest, I already know the answer to. Angry that it won't get better. Disappointed of my poor performance in the pool. And scared of what will happen next swim season...

Lullaby

Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Artist: Nickleback

A Rare Enjoyed Evening

Very rarely it happens that I am able to enjoy an evening during which I did nothing or accomplished nothing. Tonight was one of those evenings and it couldn't have come at a better time. It seems as if this week has just drug on and on and on, and it's only Wednesday! I also think I am coming down with a cold or the flu so that has been less than enjoyable. Needless to say when I finished my homework within two hours tonight I was shell shocked, what could I do with my spare time? The answer came in the form of a large mug of hot chocolate, a long phone call with my mum and somehow spending and hour and a half surfing the web...and now I can't even remember what websites I went on. But I kind of can't help but love evenings like this because it never happens that I finish my homework with a substantial amount of time before bedtime to do nothing it.

I don't think I could handle doing absolutely nothing every evening however, just because I think I would go crazy out of boredom but every once in awhile nothing can be more wonderful than a break from the formulas, the graphs and the sheets.

italia & espana

 In four short weeks I will be walking along the Mediterranean, until then however I have to suffice with pictures of the beautiful countries I will be visiting and daydream.

Flabbergasted

Looking over my list of goals for 2012 I realize that a lot [read: majority] have to do with or have to be done when I go abroad. I mean as long as I get them all done over there that's fine but I feel like I should have spaced out my goals a little bit more throughout the year. Speaking of the list, number 1 was to finish Physics with at least a 90...well the report cards were handed out yesterday and I didn't make that goal BUT I did get an 89...holy crap. Considering I had an 85 walking into my exam I cannot believe I brought my mark up that much, after a talk with my teacher I walked away flabbergasted that I had received the top mark on the Physics 11 exam with a 98...I didn't even think that was possible. It helps prove to myself that hard work, dedication and studying really does pay off and I don't have to wait for ten years down the road to realize that. I was Simonds' Student of the Week this week and it really just feels like surprise after surprise. I only hope that next semester will be as great as the one past.

Goals for 2012

I always think of a goal or aspiration I wish to accomplish, then forget it before I can write it down or lose the scrap of paper I write it down on. So in order to be slighty more organized I wanted to write a list of goals and aspirations for 2012. Some may be ridiculous and somewhat far fetched but I hope to come back to this post throughout the year and by December 31st, 2012, see a list of crossed of items.

1. Finish Physics with at least a 90. --Finished with an 89--
2. Speak one complete sentence in German in Germany, and get in on tape.
3. Speak one complete sentence in Spanish in Spain, and get it on tape.
4. Speak one complete sentence in Italian in Italy, and get it on tape.
5. Get my poem published in my District's Journal, or try harder next year.
6. Only submit my essay into the Turning Points competition if I am proud of it. --And got it published--
7. Have a lunch of pizza & gelato in the streets of Italy with my friends. --Solitary moments are my fondest--
8. Dance with a Spanish boy in Spain. --Does dancing next to count?--
9. Get a new ear piercing abroad. FAILED TO DO...
10. Recieve high honours on all of my exams. WILL NEVER KNOW...
11. Finish grade eleven with at least a 92% average.
12. Visit Rebecca during the summer./Return to St-Raymond.
13. Travel to Ottawa by train.
14. Visit Carleton's campus.
15. Get a job.
16. Get my permit, then my license.
17. Buy a car.
18. Get Spencer fixed.
19. Kick ass in the 2012 swim season.
20. Heal my shoulder 100%.
21. Actually finish writing a complete novel, not story, admit it, N-O-V-E-L.