Feeling Frustrated

Everyone has those days, when no matter what you do it just feels like you aren't getting anywhere and you just need to rant. For me, it seems that this week has been full of moments like that. Whether it was trying to do my Chemistry homework after missing a day of school or at the pool it seems as if I am taking gigantic leaps backwards instead of forwards. I suppose however the hardest moments have been at the pool. Because of my shoulder injury I wasn't able to swim for two months so finally after waiting for what seems like years, you have to remember I swam once a day beforehand, I was so overjoyed to get back into the pool. I don't know what I was expecting but my shoulder didn't magically heal when I entered the water. No, it still hurt and I was unable to use that arm, only allowed to do kick. But I figured I could wean myself back onto using that arm, I followed every rule prescribed by the physiotherapist, it had to get better! And it was, the pain had scaled down immensely, I was overjoyed by the concept that maybe, sometime soon, I would be able to use both arms again. Then the incident happened.

I suppose it is a true sign that my arm was getting better because one night when I was opening my door and having a little difficulty, I shoved my arm against the door, my whole weight behind it, to get it to open up. Yes, that arm, on the bright side the door opened and I learned a very important lesson, not to use your bad arm regardless if you think it is getting better because now I am back to square one. Icing it more than I would like and taking my prescribed medication again. I know writing this it doesn't seem like a big deal, children are starving all over the world, people have missing limbs and are off much worse than me but to a teenage girl who just wants to be healthy and be back swimming I am scared and angry and disappointed. Scared that I have damaged my shoulder for the rest of my life, which if I am honest, I already know the answer to. Angry that it won't get better. Disappointed of my poor performance in the pool. And scared of what will happen next swim season...