Another Year Ending

And so 2011 comes to a close. It's crazy, especially considering that I still write 200- before realizing my mistake. Let me just say this to get it out of the way, I in no way believe in the foolishness that states that 2012 is the end of the world. That being said, I can't help but wonder what the new year will bring.

In all honesty, I don't know if I could have imagined myself where I am right now at the beginning of 2011. It seems like so far away but as if 2010 was only yesterday. Confusing how much life is an oxymoron isn't it?

Two thousand and twelve will hold a lot of lasts for me, as well as firsts I am sure. In a short year I will be wrapping up my life in here and preparing to move away for university. Regardless of the fact-that I have come to terms with, expectant and waiting even-it still seems as if it is creeping up over my shoulder.

The coming year scares me, I won't lie. I will have to give it my all. When I send out my transcipts to universities, these are the days they will see, this upcoming year will decide where my future take me. A little stressful if you ask me. I have so many big plans for this 2012; Italy & Spain in March, I want to enter a writing competition and I want to travel to Ottawa this summer. Who knows if I will accomplish those last two but if I can get to Europe, why the hell not?


This year has been a crazy one, it feels as if it was forever ago I was living in Quebec, not just the beginning of this year. I still miss it out there but it served its purpose for me, it taught and showed me so many things. Rebecca is and will be a best friend for life and I miss her like crazy, as well as everyone else in St-Raymond. This year has helped me come to terms with myself and helped me make decisions for myself and not just everyone else. Thinking back to how I started high school it is crazy how much I have changed...but my dreams remain big and the same. With persistance and determination one can accomplish anything, right?


While I have bittersweet feelings about 2011 coming to a close I truly believe that what remains around the corner will be even greater. I will always have the amazing memories to look back on from this year, as well as many photographs. With that being said, I can't help but say full steam ahead for 2012. Time slows down for no one, it will always march on. So, I guess it is with baited breath that I wait and see if this new year will match my expectations.

We hold the reigns to our own life.

I have been wanting to write about this for a long time, ever since I had to take a taxi to school and the cabbie told me that these are the best years of my life. You hear it all the time, everywhere; high school is the best four years of your life. On Monday the words came back to me, someone else was saying high school was and would be the best years of your life.

I don't get it.

Why would anyone want the best years of their life to be the ones that includes the stressful days of exams, cramming to finish an essay and the drama? Personally, I love high school. I love my friends and I love the memories that we are making throughout the halls of my school. But high school will only be the best years of your life if you let it.

I fully intend on not letting the late nights of stressing, the long days of classes, the thousands of pages of notes and the petty drama of who did what be my glory days. No. I intend on graduating and going out into this crazy world to obtain a degree and kick ass in the writing field. Naive? Perhaps. But I hold onto the hope that there is so much more out the waiting for me than studying to pass a test or exam.

Just grateful.

It always makes me a bit sad whenever Christmas is over. The holiday has come and gone, you finally realize quite how much you spent and the magic seems to have fizzled out over night. I won't lie and say that this year has been any different. But some how, a little of the magic still remains. Maybe it's the prospect of numerous opportunities in the coming new year or maybe it's the fact that time is passing by quicker than ever now and I am trying to enjoy every minute of it.

My flight to Italy leaves in sixty-three days. I remember this trip being a figment of my imagination, something I only imagined when I closed my eyes at night and dreamed. The fact is that until, let's just admit it, Christmas morning I had no clue how my mother and I were going to find the remaining money to pay off the trip. That was until I opened a present from my father and promptly burst into tears, hugged my mother tight and sobbed. Enough money to pay off this months payment and a half of next. The thought that whizzed through my brain in that moment were joined with a flurry of emotion. This is happening, I am going. I was shocked. Beyond shocked.

It all feels so real now, there is no more guessing and no more panic, just girl-ish planning. What should I wear on the plane? What footwear is appropriate? Ouu, those shoes would look adorable out dancing in Spain!

I feel dizzy thinking about it. Everyone keeps saying things like, I know there's not many Christmas presents, I'm sorry, but don't forget Italy is under that tree too! Like I could ever forget, I don't think I could be more full of gratitude. I am forever grateful and doubt that I could say thank you enough. Four months ago this trip was so far out of reach, with it's 3,130$ price tag. But now, it's only sixty-three days away, and I just can't believe it.

santa claus is coming to town!

This morning I awoke to my dad running in my room yelling, "Anna! Anna! Get up!". I thought someone had died or the house was on fire the way he was acting about but then he told me that there was snow outside! I assure you my response mirrored his, I scrambled to my window and just watched the snow with Spencer, singing White Christmas until my alarm went off. My first thought when I saw the snow was, Santa does exist! All week all I have been asking for is snow!It is still snowing outside and it is the pristine, perfect, movie-like kind of snow. All day it has been a mixture of great big flakes and tiny petite flakes. Thankfully today was a half day and we didn't do much except in Physics, I couldn't contain my excitement at all.

Sarah, Shantel and I exchanged Christmas presents today and I gave Kaela her present. Sarah loved her jar of little quotes and we were both fighting back tears, especially since she saw the doctor last night and was prescribed anti-depressants...off topic but she also loved the CD I made her. She gave me some yummy Christmas scented lotion, lip balm and shower gel from Yves Rocher. The first two night huntress novels and a new HP book mark because Spencer wrecked my old one! Along with that she bought me cute Parisien earrings, a collar for Spencer, a new cat toy for him, play doh (!), quite scrapbooking stickers and many cute little gifts, she really did spoil me. I suppose though I spoiled her as well!

Shantel bought me the Scottish smut that I had asked her to, it is set in Inverness so I am excited to read that over Christmas break. She bought me two candles and a candle in a Christmas mug! The Christmas mug is so cute and I will use it for sure after I burn the candle. She picked up the skirt that she had told me about and I am trying to figure out a way to wear it for Christmas Eve, it is a mixture of purple and gray so I am confused on how to style it... She also got me some awesome Leafs gloves! Which I love!

Solange sent me a card with a 10$ Tim card in it and I am bummed that I didn't send out there cards yet! I probably won't get around to it until after Christmas unfortunately, however, better late than never! As well I received my package from Scotland! I love it! I won MPVT's Christmas contest and it was there waiting for me when I got home, it is packed full of cute Christmas goodies and I already broke into the chocolate but am saving the rest to open on Christmas morning!

I still have to knit Mum's scarf, which I know I won't finish, but I am planning on just wrapping it unfinished to show her. Today was a great day and with the snow it is finally feeling like Christmas, I think I am going to go have some soup now and cook some gingerbread and butter cookies. 'Tis the season for giving my friends. <3

sleigh bells ring, are ya listening?

Only a week until Christmas Day. I can't believe it. I got a lot of my remaining Christmas shopping done yesterday, and got home before one in the afternoon I might add. The lines were crazy and I was in the the line-up at Michael's for half an hour, easy. The line wrapped all the way around into an aisle. Regardless, I would do it again because I got 40% of my entire purchase, hell yes.

I still have to pick up a few more things for Sarah, buy Shantel's gifts and buy Herb some sugar-less candy. I am still debating buying a few more items, like some cooking stuff for Tom, another shirt for Steve and maybe a frame with a cadet picture for James. But I am so close to being done I am very excited, I have spent way too much already and can see myself spending another 100 or so before I am done because I still need to go buy all of my baking supplies! That will probably be Wednesday or so.

This weekend has been a very productive one that's for sure. Today really felt like it was Monday. With the Christmas shopping yesterday and then we decorated the Christmas tree last night! I have also knitted so frickin' much this weekend. At almost any given moment if you poked your head into my bedroom I would be knitting while listening to some Christmas music, because I am that cool.

I am so excited to give everyone their presents and I know it will be worth all of the bloody money I spent! :)

christmastime means something more

So with the sound of five new born kittens I settle down to write this blog posts. That's right, Oreo had her kittens the night before last on the eleventh, there are five of them and they are still so tiny! I had forgotten how small they are when they are first born, what with Spencer still being a kitten in my eyes and now he weighs more and is double the size of Oreo.

Today I set up the tree at Herb's and signed loads of cards but for some reason felt very out of touch of the holiday cheer. Odd, I know, especially coming from me but Herb was very non-christmas-y today and was generally an old grouch so I guess that wouldn't help anyone's Christmas cheer. Hopefully having his tree set up will help him think of the true meaning of Christmas, the memories from times spent in Christmases past with family and friends, not the artificial, commercialized side of things.

I suppose my doctor's appointment today didn't help matters much either. The doctor examined my shoulder and the pain in it has migrated mostly...well everywhere. However the main point of main has moved from lower on the front of my shoulder onto the top of my shoulder and she mentioned my AC joint which hopefully will only be a grade I or maximum II, I did have to go get a few x-rays done though so I guess I will know more when they return. For now however she prescribed me Naprosyn and told me to go see a Physiotherapist. I am really not looking forward to seeing a physiotherapist because even the little examination she did today on my shoulder has limited my range of motion considerably, which is a lot considering I don't have full range of motion even if no one has examined it. It also has quite the dull ache going on...

Anyways, enough boring depressing things about my stupid shoulder, hopefully everything will heal perfectly and I will be able to get back into the pool to train so I can kick ass next season. Tomorrow, my plans to go Christmas shopping are still on and I have made yet another list, I believe I am on #3 or 4 now? Regardless, I just know I will forget something. My main concern right now is getting everything that I need to mail out together, I just know that I won't get them there by Christmas, at least that is what my panicked-self is thinking. Whatever, if they don't get it then it will make for an awesome after Christmas gift!

have a holly jolly christmas

Alright, *blinks* this is basically the intro to the cliched little Christmas story I have been writing on the side *gulps*.

Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more.

It was a cold and stormy night in the English countryside. Gloria Weston watched from the window of the friend's quaint cottage as the snow fell densely from the dark sky and made a thick blanket on the cold, hard ground. Already the tires of Gloria's second hand Corolla were halfway submergerged into it's fluffy, white depths. Pulling the borrowed jumper closer to her body Gloria turned to face the room once more where her friend Daniel was crouched, adding more logs to the burning fireplace.

"Dan, when is the network saying the snow will let up? I need to get back into the city tonight." she asked.

"I don't think anyone really knows when it will stop...the storm came out of no where." Daniel replied while replacing the fire grate and joining Gloria on the couch.

Gloria bit her bottom lip trying to think of what to do while Daniel glanced out of the window. With only five days until Christmas it was crucial for her to return to the city as soon as possible. She had only meant to stay at Dan's for the afternoon and now it was well past half six.

...tbc...

i'm dreaming of a white christmas

I have never actually writting a Dream Christmas List and if you look around the internet it seems as if I am the only one...so just for kicks, and for a quick post while I am in the mood I figured why not make up my own Christmas List, full of some reasonable and...not-so-reasonable gifts.

My Dream Christmas List 2011

1. Bleu de Chanel - Okay I know this is a cologne but ever since the first time I smelled this I have dreamed of having it and wearing it non-stop.


2. In Love Tresor by Lancome - I smelled this for the first time last week and will admit that the real reason I walked over to the counter was because they had a drop dead gorgeous ad of Emma Watson but the perfume itself smells amazing as well and I love it!


3. The Entire Box Set of Boy Meets World - Maybe it is because I am going through a nostalgic phase and a DVD kick but I am missing this show like crazy and am sick of watching episodes online!


4. Huge Head Phones - For one, my ear phones have been broke for what seems like ever and I really want a honking pair of heavy duty head phones that will block all out other noise. Especially with my flight to Italy coming up in only 80 days.


5. Oversized Graphic Pullovers - Again, for Italy. I have been planning my plane outfit and it consists of comfort, comfort, comfort, ie: leggings, sweater and a sports bra. I found a hoodie online that has an awesome quote on the front, for 50$ I am on the fence but I know it is something I would get a lot of wear out of.


6. Sherlock - Ever since watching an episode of this in my Law class on Halloween. He is cute in a geeky way and portrays Sherlock Holmes perfectly. I love him!


7. A Mens Watch - I have recieved watches for christmases past but never, ever wore one of them, naughty I know! This year however I have been loving the big faced watches that are everywhere's and found the perfect option from the Mens Dept. for only 20$. I might even treat myself to this after Christmas.


8. DVDs in General - I don't know why but I am hardly ever in the mood to watch movies on the tv, holiday movies being the exception, I think it is the commercials. That's why I have really been wanting plenty of DVDs, I have had to actually restrain myself from buying so many, there are so many sales going on!


9. CDs - It seems my favorite bands have all come out with new CD's the past month and a half, Hedley, Marianas Trench, Punk Goes Pop 4 and I really want to get my hands on Avenged Sevenfold's new album!


10. A Clean Bill of Health, for everyone - My OCD made my round this to ten but I think this wish is the most important of all. My family has been in and out of the hospital too much lately, mum with her cancer, Herb was recently diagnosed with diabetes and I have two different uncles going through a very hard time with cancer also, although it is a very less extreme situation I myself am going in on Tuesday to get my shoulder checked out from when I injured it while swimming over a month again so I am very nervous about that! :S

santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

With Christmas only two weeks away the panic has definitely set in. I still have so much more to do and time just seems to be speeding up. It seems like just last week Christmas was well over a month away and I wasn't worrying about finishing all of my Christmas shopping. Because I like organization, organization, organization, I wrote up two lists this evening. One of the stores I still need to get to, seven, and a list of things I still need to buy...which is quite a bit.

Luckily I made plans last week to go Christmas shopping this coming Wednesday which seems like a lifetime away but I know the next two days will pass by at the speed of light (and yet again I make another Physics reference). Thankfully, because of my joy for the upcoming season I have had my gift list planned for the past month+, so except for the few exceptions (read: boyfriend and dad...) I know basically what I am getting everyone. Now it is just time to go out and find it/get a great deal.

Panicking and stress aside I can't believe this joyous season is finally here, it makes me so happy. I have been indulging in many, many cups of hot chocolate and planning my Christmas Baking 2011 List religiously for the past week, adding and removing, buying special tins. For a few gifts this year I have even decided to give some sweets in the pretty tins. Thank JP my dad owes me 40$ and I told him to hold onto it, or else I would have accidently spent it on gifts when I need it to buy all of my many ingredients!

I know all I have been writing about seems to be Christmas stuff, gifts and baking but I swear my Christmas original story is actually coming along, I love the beginning, it makes me feel all cuddly and cozy and I want to be in the middle of the countryside during the middle of a snowstorm as well. Is that weird? My Christmas fanfic hasn't moved past nine pages though, brainy me even wrote out a little brainstorm but with school lately I just really haven't had the time to write... Damn grade eleven, all of the teachers are trying to teach as much as they can before the Christmas holidays because the semester is winding down! And if that isn't a scary thought I don't know what is! Exams...the year half over...it's even the off-season for swimming now...

Well with my pregnant kitty Oreo burrowed underneath my bent legs under the covers and the Christmas music playing I think I am going to end this here.

simply having a wonderful christmastime

I am currently here laying with the only cat who continues to lay with me, Spencer, in my fuzzy, oversized pajama pants with a long sleeved henley shirt on. I am sweating my ass off and I haven't even gotten under the covers yet. But it is December dammit and it is time for long, fleece pajamas. Regardless of what global warming would like to do. I really don't understand how people can travel to someplace hot during the holidays. I mean if that it all you know I can understand it, but for me it isn't the holidays unless it is well below zero and you can see your breath in front of you. Anyways...

I really wanted to post everyday in December but unfortunately I just do NOT think that will work out, considering I have already missed three days. I will put it down as being very busy and exhausted! All the time.

I put some of the Christmas lights up around the stairs on Saturday which took me most of the afternoon because they didn't come assembled! Literally, the cord with all wrapped up nice and neat and the bulbs were off to the other side of the box!! So I had to plop on down on my deck, the one day it actually was quite nippy outside, and screw in all 50 lightbulbs. Sigh...on the plus side, it looks beautiful and makes me happy.

I still haven't finished Christmas shopping because I am broke until Wednesday but I have most of what I am buying for everyone planned out. And Tom's present came today!! The first time I have ever ordered online so it was a little nerve wracking but all I have to do is go pick it up from the post office tomorrow. So excited for Christmas, it's getting so close! I have my baking list all written out and am getting very antsy to start baking! I bought adorable Christmas tins this year so I might talk to Tom about going halfers on the ingredients and then we can just hand out tinned baked goods as presents to the rest of the family. Regardless I know I will be handing them out to a few people as gifts and am even pondering the idea of giving them to teachers....?

up on the housetop, reindeer paws

Life has been so crazy lately. Between tests, homework, extra-curriculars, Provincials just around the corner and Christmas coming up it's been enough to make me pull my hair out. Because of my bum shoulder I only qualified in one event this year, 100 fly, and only because there was only six swimmers so I have been trying to bounce back from feeling awful about that. I thought this was going to be my year, unfortunately next year is going to be my last hope.

Enough about that, I have to keep my glass "half full", even though that alone has been so had to do lately! The past couple days have been hectic so I am just grateful the weekend is upon us and looking forward to doing some very Christmas-y things.

I am booked to work the Imperial twice this Sunday so I am super excited for that, I absolutely loved volunteering at the Christmas Carol show and mum and I adored A Celtic Christmas, which because of my discount we got 40$ off of each ticket!!

Other than that I plan on putting up some Christmas lights and decorations throughout the house tomorrow along with wrapping a few of the presents I have already bought. It's been a little difficult this year to buy everyone Christmas presents, I am not even close to finishing already, but I think I have been doing pretty well. I am currently almost done knitting Grammie P her scarf and and halfway done mum's scarf. I just keep on buying and buying for mum, I can't help myself! Leah is already done and Tom is halfway done, Sarah I have only bought a few items for but hopefully I should be able to wrap up everything soon enough!

the power of words

What has inspired me this week is wonderful messages from even more amazing people. Yesterday and the day before, as well as today, had a few low points but simply re-reading my birthday cards a smile came to my face and it changed my mood. It is great what a few simple heartfelt words can do.

books galore

Because my birthday was Friday and I had a meet Saturday morning I planned my birthday party for Saturday night. My meet went...okay, I shaved a second off of my 400m free and about 20s off of my 200m free but I have no clue how I did on my 100m fly. My shoulder was hurting really bad throughout the whole meet, I finished my races though! But I don't know if in the long run it will benefit me because my shoulder is really bad today... Apperently during my 400m free my arms were great and finally reaching again but during the 100m fly they were really short...whatever.

What I wanted to talk about however was my party, it was a blast and I had a great time with all of my friends who came over! I was really shocked with how many gifts I got, I loved them all. I recieved a bunch of little bits and bobs that kind of all have meaning, little bee slippers because I am a Seabee, candles...because I am obsessed. Shantel and her mum both got me great seperate gifts, Bonnie gave me some dishtowels and a cookbook for my Hope Chest and Shantel went for the more girlie route giving my make-up and brushes and nail polish.

The funny thing is though from four different friends I recieved Indigo gift cards... They really know me well! I was ecstatic to open up my cards and now cannot wait to go and shop! I always have a list of books that I really want to buy so this week, or more than likely next weekend I am all excited to go to Indigo, maybe splurge and purchase a Starbucks hot beverage and then walk around and find me some new books! Even though I still have a closet full of books I haven't read yet...

The List of Books I am Currently Lusting After:


The Maze Runner by James Dashner- Recommended by a close friend during the summer I have been wanting to pick this up since then, Thomas loses consciousness in an elevator, and wakes up with a group of boys in an outdoor expanse called The Glade. He can help them all escape-but only if he can unlock the dark secrets buried with his mind.

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver- A story about a popular teenager who lives the last day of her life seven times over with variations daily. I did a short review on this last week and have decided I want to go and purchase it, I am someone who loves to own the book even if I have already read it. I feel the need to add it to my collection.

* The Fault in Our Stars by Hank Green- The story of a fifteen year old girl with a terminal illness, cancer. Hank reads the first chapter of this book on his YouTube channel and I adored it so I finally decided to jump the gun and go pre-order it! So excited to finally have the money to do so.

* Before I Go To Sleep by S.J. Watson- The story of a woman who lost her memory two decades previously and wakes up every morning in an unfamiliar bed with an unfamiliar man. This man must explain that he is her husband, Ben, and that she lost her memory two decades earlier in an terrible accident and it has decimated her ability to form new memories. This book promises a plot twist, which I must admit are one of my favorite aspects to a book, and seems like it will be a great read.

Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist by Michael J Fox- One of the only non-fiction novels on this list but some days I can be quite the pessimist and actually had this pointed out to me the other day so I thought this book would be an interesting read. I always love inspirational quotes or stories so because I have been in little rut the last little bit I think this may be what I need to read. Michael talks about how he got through his dark days with his head held high and I think all of us have those days so it will be nice for some advice.

*Out of my Mind by Sharon M. Draper- The powerful story of a girl struggling to let the world know that on the outside she might be suffering from cerebral palsy, but on the inside is a brilliant girl wainting to be heard. I guess my heart went out to the main character in this novel, as she promises to be smart but struggling to make it apparent. All in all it sounds like something I would be interested in as it promises angst.

Cornered by Ron MacLean with Kirstie McLellan Day- I am a huge hockey lover and always look foward to Hockey Night in Canada with Don Cherry and Ron MacLean every Saturday night. Another non-fiction, this book is a type of biography of Ron MacLean's job history, from his early days to now, this greatly appeals to the sports fan in me.

Bruiser by Neal Shusterman- "Tennyson is freaked out because his sister Bronte is dating Bruiser, the toughest looking kid in school. But appearances are not what they seem...the bruises and scars on Bruiser's body don't belong to him. A story of abuse, recovery, and the courage to go on." I am a little unsure about this book as it comes off as a little cliched. I am sure that if it was bought for me I would have no problem reading it but I am hesitant to go and spend my own money on it.

*If I Stay by Gayle Forman- "One moment Mia is driving with her family-the next she is watching her damaged body being pulled out of a car wreck. As she lays in a coma, Mia must decide whether or not she will fight to survive." This book appeals to be greatly-again because of the angst, even though you just know she will survive-I love the whole will-she, won't-she struggle. This book I would not mind buying for myself.

*The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern- I don't even know how to begin to summarize this book, it is about a circus that arrives at night and is about the competition between two young magicians, male and female using their talent. The reader however knows the secret that this competition is a battle to the death. I have heard many rave reviews about this online so I cannot wait to go into the store and see for myself!

*mark the books I am most excited about.

11/11/11 at 11:11

The countdown is on. Today is my birthday, sweet sixteen to be exact, so tonight at 11:11 I will be blowing out my candles and making the most, "epic-est" wish of all time.

Today has been such a great day, it has been wonderful! Even though some moments were...less than lovely, as in, Tom forgot to wish me a Happy Birthday, Herb was all pissy and put me in a bad mood and my shoulder is killing me, when I think about the good things it was a great birthday. My friend Jeff said to me something pretty corny, but something really sweet, today as we walked through the rain, I told him about how the weather is always terrible on my birthday, today it rained all day and was quite windy, pretty miserable. He said, it doesn't matter, all that matters is who you spend it with! It was very sweet of him and it earned a big aww and a hug from me!

Honestly, I can't believe I am now sixteen, it's crazy to think of how much I waited for this day to come and now, it's finally here. And almost over.

I have been through hell this week because of swim practices, I even had to go swim on my birthday. And ya, I got punched in the face in water polo and my nose kinda hurts, ya my shoulder burns and I have a meet tomorrow, and ya I have eaten way to much cake today but I am frickin' sixteen now! It kind of is a great way to end the week. I have so many lovely friends who are so kind to me, all the time, but today was special. Last night I went out to dinner with Tom, Sarah and Shantel and we had such a great time. Today I went spent the morning with my mum, we went to the ceremonies before going home and just hanging out. Then I went to swim, Sarah baked me a cake, with Physics notes all over it and Alyssa made me a GIANT chocolate chip cookie and Ally made me a lovely card.

I am having a party tomorrow but I am proud to say that on an A/T graph (Anna/Time Graph) my position is now 16 and my displacement is unknown. :)

This post is very birthday themed and very happy and although my birthday is very important to me, obviously. I share my birthday with a very important holiday, Remberance Day. My great-grandfather fought in WW2 and survived. He passed away over a year ago now but Rememberance Day will always be close to my heart. I believe that it is important to remember those who fought for our freedom and willingly risked their life, mind and appendages. They were brave men and women who I am forever indebted and thankful to.

before i fall by lauren oliver review

So this is the first time I have ever done a book review but considering how much I read I don't know why I have never done one before. The book in question is Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver. Now I have about fifty books in a box that I bought this summer that I am slowly trying to work my way through but when my friend brought in a book for me to borrow on Friday and I read the back cover I knew I had to start it immediately and it is now on my list of must by books.

The novel is about this girl who dies but then relives the last day of her life over again, and over again, and over again. I remember thinking that this is a depressed version of Groundhog Day and then on the next page the book actually made a reference the the movie.

At the start of this book I actually hated the main character, Samantha, so much so that by the time we had worked our way up to her death I thought, that's what ya get. Bad, I know. At first she is portrayed as a stuck-up popular high school bitch but as she relives her last day over again, as each day progresses she gets more desperate and you start to feel pity for her as she changes. By the end of the book she has become a likeable character but I didn't find myself 'clinging to a box of Kleenex' as Now's review predicted. Usually anything in a book can make me cry, happy days and sad days. I cried at the end of The Help just because I had grown so attached to the characters and didn't want the book to end. This was not the case for this book. I did find myself tearing up at the end just because it was so sad and the main character had done a 180 but I find most of my pity lies with Kent, a secondary character. If you read the book you will understand why.

This book was 339 pages long but I finished mine in one night, I am a fast reader but the book really did draw me in and I found myself wanted to know what would happen on the next day. Parts of the book made me want to scream at the main character but other parts made me smile and I will admit the odd, awww did escape me.

One aspect I really did enjoy was that you learn more about the minor characters personalties during each day she relives her last. At the start she looks down upon them all and has her own selfish, mean conclusions about their personalties but each day she spends time with one of them or another and you find out their hobbies and what the are really like, not just the way they dress. The character I mentioned before, Kent, changed the most in Sam's eyes though, the two of them used to be best friends but as Sam got popular she stopped hanging out with him. During the first day, she calls him a dork, insults most of what he does and makes fun of him but by day seven, well he turns out to be more then a battered blazer, funny hat and checked sneakers.

Overall, I would definitely recommend this book and personally I did enjoy it. I will be checking out Derlirium by Lauren Oliver the next time I am in a bookstore to see if it is as good.

And that has been what has inspired me during my last weekend being fifteen, a book. Well that's no surprise. I also started working on a Christmas FF because I left my notebook with my other Christmas story at school...

almost one week

It's almost one week until my birthday! So excited for my sweet sixteen! <3 I am going to be having a little party at my house that will be very, very chill as I have a big swim competition that morning but also plan on having a family dinner with just a few very close friends where I can dress up and look all pretty! :)

Other then my birthday countdown steadily decreasing I have been doing nothing. I really have not had a life recently and cannot imagine having one until I graduate from university! Speaking of that I actually attended a Post-Secondary fair-type-thing where a bunch of booths were set up from around the maritimes and from Ontario. I got to talk to a Carleton representative and it was amazing! It seems so much more real now that I have a pamphlet in my hands. Their Bachelor of Journalism program appears to be very competitive however so I need to decide soon if that is the career I wish to pursue. It's hard, I really don't know. I can't see myself doing that but I suppose I need to try it before I can write it off completely.

I can however see myself getting a degree in English Literature or History though, easily. I would love it, and then maybe even go on to teaching those subjects? I don't know... I also SLIGHTLY thought about getting a Science degree... Why you ask? I have no effin' clue, I would most likely never apply it, and it might be a more rigorous course but I just really like science and thought it would be interesting... At least I could take a few science courses right? I LOVED Physical Geography and Biology and am loving Physics (as much as one can love Physics) and I loved Chem up in Quebec, we will see how I do next semester. It isn't something I can see myself applying to my life but it is something I am interested in.

Wouldn't it be ironic if after putting this much thought into something and spending $100, 000+ I ended up being a housewife?

snow in october?

Imagine my surprise when I woke up to my dad telling my younger sister it was snowing outside. Of course after freezing in shock I hopped over to my window and lo-and-behold, it was snowing. This is what I saw when I went out on my back deck





You can't tell but it was still snowing when I took this picture. As the day progressed the storm, yes I am calling it a stom, it got worse. It was wicked outside, the wind howled ALL day. So of course I turned on the oven and started baking (Pumpkin Seeds and an Peanut Butter-Cheerio treat) I also wrote a bit, currently I am writing just a small Christmas story. For lunch we all went over to my memere's and almost the whole family was there. It was great.



This weekend was such a nice one, I did almost nothing all weekend. After the long stressful week I had it was definitely necessary. Now the Haunted House is over, that was an ordeal in itself, but it doesn't look like things will be calming down for me until February. Swim season lasts until December and then in January I have exams so I am hoping I won't have to many break downs between here and then.

To conclude, here is a picture of Spencer with his first ever snowball. It brings a smile to my face looking at it. He had so much fun playing with it...well eating it mostly.

I know Halloween is tomorrow and my birthday is in twelve days but I can't help getting excited for Christmas!

i swear you look right through me

I saw him today...Chad I mean. After swim. When I first walked out I couldn't see him as he was standing at the foot of the stairs but then I did...and I couldn't stop looking over at him. It was like I wanted to make eye contact. I don't know what I would have done if he had looked my way, probably put my head down as soon as possible, but I just wanted him to see me. I don't know what I expected to see in his eyes and I don't even know if I could have handled it but in that moment I just wanted him to look at me, with pain, anger...indifference I don't know what would have been worse, but I got nothing.

I was the one who knew his telephone number off my heart before everyone.

As I walked to the car I couldn't help but glance out of the corner of my eye at him standing there as I put my bags in the backseat. I couldn't help but glance at him as I took my seat in front. But he never glanced my way. He remained there in the drizzle of the late afternoon rain standing stoically, indifferent to my futile attempts.

I was the one who would talk to him at night before everyone.

When my dad started driving off I wanted nothing more then to yell for him to stop. I wanted to turn around and ask Chad if he needed a drive home. I just wanted to talk to him.

I was the one who knew his middle name before everyone.

But I didn't. As we drove away, I fought back yet more tears as I thought of how far we have come... I am someone who firmly believes in that there is such a thing as too late. It feels too late, I don't know how to talk to him anymore, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to fix my mess.

The thing is, I know that if I told Chad what happened he would have laughed at me, "Anna, why didn't you just say something?" I can imagine him, laughing, shaking his head at me. Thinking I was being silly.

I feel so bad for just leaving him there, standing outside while it was sprinkling without even asking him if he needed a ride... I am sure he had one but this sitution feels like one huge metaphor that I don't like the translation to...

As I got in the car one of my favorite songs was playing Someone Like You by Adele. But this time when I listened to her voice the lyrics told a whole new tale."Old friend, why are you so shy?" "I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded/That for me it isn't over./Never mind, I'll find someone like you/I wish nothing but the best for you too/Don't forget me, I beg/I remember you said,"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,/Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"Yeah."

No, for me it isn't over but I don't think I will every find someone like him. There will never be anyone who could take his place or even compare. And it hurts so much to think that. I haven't come to terms with this and I feel as if I never will.

I flipped through radio stations trying to find a station that wouldn't remind me of him. Country wouldn't do, we both enjoyed country and that made me think of "our song". Rock 'n' Roll it was then. But I couldn't get our song out of my head. Years and years and years ago while on the phone Chad and I discovered that we both enjoyed a certain song, Chad out of the blue said, "That'll be our song, Anna!" It was a little odd at the time none-the-less I enjoyed it. Now in hindsight, it is as if he predicted the end of our friendship... The song was, Like We Never Loved At All-Faith Hill ft. Tim McGraw.

"I swear you looked right through me/But I'm still living with your goodbye/And you're just going on with your life/How can you just walk on by/Without one tear in your eye?/Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?/Maybe that's just your way/Of dealing with the pain/Forgetting everything between our rise and fall"

"So tell me what your secret is?/To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did"

update

Alright so let's recap what has happened since yesterdays post. I talked to the teacher and she isn't mad at me, told me to keep searching and we have some of the photos on a different source so I am going to track them down for her. I...finished the swim meet. Did completely terrible on my 100 fly. So bad on the last fifty that I got out of the pool without talking to anyone and just went into the bathroom stall to have a little cry...yeah I fucking failed. Wasn't even supposed to do the 100 fly but because so many swimmers had other obligations/didn't pay their fee I got put into the 50 fly, 100 fly and then 100 back. Yuuuup.

Herb came and watched swim though which was great... When Tom came and picked me up though he was in another pissed off mood so basically my bad mood has just persisted since then... Whatever, I am exhausted so I might not even read any FanFiction tonight...alright I will probably lay there with my eyes closed listening to music before reading one or two one-shots. Whatevs. No school again this Friday thank all the dieties... It feels like it should already be Friday but alas it is only Tuesday....

what's been going on recently..

Alright so while I wait for my nails to try (I swear I can be the world's best procrastinator when I want to be, really gotta stop this...) I decided to write up a post just because I was/am feeling so overwhelmed today I needed to just write it all down and get it off my chest.

So I guess we can go in chronological order for this...why not right? About, oh god, three weeks ago now? I was in charge of making a slideshow for my school and had to borrow three girl's memory cards that had the pictures we needed on them. I got two of the memory cards back but couldn't find the third girl so I brought it home with me and then promptly forgot about it... So now, I feel like an utter schmuck because a few weeks ago a teacher approched me and said that they needed the memory card, I of course said oh no problem, it's at home I know exactly where it is! ....because I thought I did. I have been searching for it since then and just cannot find it, I do not know where it went to but it really is not in my room. So basically I lost this item that belongs to someone else and is super important. I feel like crying everytime I think about it just because I feel so bad and I don't know what to do...

Next I guess is just the fact that something was brought up to me the other day that made me think that maybe I made a rash decision last year that turned out to be the wrong one. Basically Chad, I feel really bad and have been re-thinking our last conversation. I miss him and wished we still talked. On the other hand, it does take two does it not? Still even saying that I can't help thinking, well what if I initiated our falling out? Again...super confused and I don't know what to do.

My first swim meet of this year is also tomorrow, against one of the best high schools in the province, we are talking top three here... So I am super nervous, especially because I am scheduled to be doing the 200 free, 100 fly, a relay along with whatever else he decides to throw at me... And I will only be swimming if I get 60$ to the athletics director tomorrow morning asap....

Writing it out it doesn't seem like that much but that doesn't eliminate the queasy feeling I have in my gut I am really dreading going to the teacher tomorrow and admitting that I lost the memory card...I really don't know what she will say as I never have had her as a teacher. I will offer to buy the girl a new memory card but that won't replace all of the pictures she lost...

My anxiety levels are so high right now I swear I am going to hurl... It doesn't help that Tom is in a pissed off mood tonight so in turn that makes me angry also along with sad and depressed for some reason? Hopefully I will post something tomorrow after the swim meet even if I do write it in tears saying I failed and need to drop out of school and move to Africa because the teacher is after me. Salut pour aujourd'hui...

dreaming of the future

Lately the urge to have my own apartment has been growing huge, I have periods like this where I just want to move out and furnish my own place. My daydreams are occupied with my first holidays at my own place and how I would decorate, where I would put everything. I love design so maybe that has something to do with it. I recently found Pinterest so here are some images from there that I have been loving that are related to interior decoration:

(I love the love of a white palette, it just looks so clean and fresh, however I don't think I could ever stick to a white colour scheme in my own house.)

(This. Now this is something I can see working perfectly in my own home, one drawback: I wouldn't be able to walk up the stairs or by them without stopping to read!)

(I love this. When I get my own place a mantle is a must so I can decorate it for different seasons and holidays, I love everything about this look!)

(I love how the fireplace is located right next to the dining room, I also love the mis-mash of chairs and the bench.)

(If I had a light, airy bedroom I would love to recreate this! I have actually been toying with the idea of a boxed frame bed but right now, I love my white iron bed too much..)

Although I love the white clean palette I think that when I move out I will turn to a monochromatic colour scheme. Black, greys, white and silvers with little touches of burgandy and plum thrown in!

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. Maya Angelou

in and out

Just going to post a little in and out post because 1- I haven't done one in awhile & 2- I am procrastinating doing my Math and Law homework.


In:

1. Tights: I am wearing some black patterened ones today and when paired with a tight black skirt and a flowy top they add just enough warmth to an outfit while we are still having this stupid heat thing...

2. Halloween Cat Toys: Random? Yes. But I picked up two little toys for Spencer and Oreo and they have gone crazy over them, it's so cute to watch them get all excited. Plus, a great way to wear them out before bedtime!

3. Fix a Heart-Demi Lovato: If anyone had told me to go and listen to this song in all honesty...I probably wouldn't've. Demi is one of those artist that I never imagined myself listening to, but I am really loving this song and a few more off of her new album, including: Lightweight, Mistake, Give Your Heart a Break, Skyscraper, For The Love of a Daughter and even In Real Life....weird I know!

4. On that note...slower songs: I don't know why but more recently I find myself listening to my slow it down playlist a LOT and putting Adele on shuffle at least once a day. I really can't explain it but for the past week or two I have been ignoring my more pop/punk/rock songs and turning towards calmer, softer tunes. Eh, whatever works right?

5. The weather? : I think the weather may finally be cooling down! Today it was still quite warm and the sun was out all day but it was also windy. A cool wind too! I was pretty happy even if I didn't require a jacket to step outside. It wasn't nippy in the slightest but I will take what I can get.

6. My birthday: Is in less than a month! I can't believe I am almost 16...so excited.


Out:

1. Not being able to find my iPod! : This one is really frustrating, I have my headphones laying right beside me but I couldn't tell you were my iPod went! It's annoying because I know I had it Friday after school...

2. Biographies: I usually don't have a problem with essays but I am having a lot of trouble with this one. It isn't even required to be long by any means, only a page! I think it may have to do with all of the Law terms that I have to use and the long names and positions I have to keep mentioning, regardless with MLA format I should meet the required length soon enough. ;)

3. Headaches: Throughout the full week I seem to be having this pounding in my head and even when I don't feel too bad it's still right there in the back of my head waiting to spring up at the slightest loud noise or stressful situation. Babysitting two little nine year old girls today hasn't helped in the least. :(


Alright I am going to quit with the depressing outs now, maybe because my headache is back full force and I can't think of anything else...maybe.

my weekend

I love Friday, it's just one of those days when students can breathe a sigh of relief. It's sad how happy I get from a simple two day weekend. On a three to four day weekend...I'm ecstatic. But I will not be unthankful. This week was only four days so it went by kind of quick but it was a pretty tough week... All of my weeks have been tough this year, and I have a feeling that it will only get harder. Hopefully my grade twelve year will be easier but if I will be doing my Bio 12 and depending on how this year goes maybe my Physics and/or Chem 12 too! Those will be my only "hard" courses though...I think...I hope.

Tonight however I will not be doing any homework. I think if it's possible Friday will kind of be my "free" day. Free Friday kind of has a nice ring to it. It is just so nice to finish school on Friday and come home to do nothing of importance...at all! Tonight for example so far it looks as if I will be spending the night catching up on more Youtube beauty videos than I would care to admit...it's kind of embarrassing I will be the first to admit. I kind of am just in the mood to blog too. I love to put my browsers side by side and blog while I watch some Youtube videos so I might make a couple other posts tonight as well.

This weekend I don't have too much homework surprisingly so that's why I feel as if I can afford to take this little break. I have to do two Physics questions that I didn't finish last night because I was writing my English short story (8 pages later...) then I have a Math sheet to do that's thankfully pretty easy but takes quite long to write out every step. I also need to work on my Math project (one thing I don't really understand is Math projects but considering this one is easier I won't complain!) Lastly I have to do my Law essay, basically a small biography on one of the judges in the Supreme Court of Canada. Writing it out that sounds like a lot...its really not for me though, I mean I don't have any English or Modern History homework! Yaay.

Other then some homework I am hoping to chill out this weekend and take 'er easy. Maybe hang out with Cody or my mum but I really just want to take things very easy this weekend.

FML version: 11.10.11

I am quite the "quiet" person, if you knew me you wouldn't say that but I only have a few very close friends and would prefer to be on my own most of the time, even if I am with a friend 8/10 we would be discussing a fairly serious topic. Anyways the point is I am quite quite, I would like to believe I am quite respectful to those who deserve it, meaning that if someone shows respect towards me and acts mature than I will respect them too. Regardless of their age this is my personnal rule and I will always show respect until someone wrongs me or proves the do not deserve my respect.

Today I got me first call home, ever. I couldn't believe it, all because I did not finish a "journal" in class time. I just, can't believe it. I still am flipping out in my head. I do not get calls home and do not feel that I did anything to deserve this... I feel that this is so unfair, me, the student who does all of her work and tries her hardest always is getting in trouble and the students who do not do their work, talk constantly and don't listen aren't getting in trouble?

I try so hard in school and I just can't even put into words how...angry it makes me really. How all of those students who don't do anything are doing the same grade-wise as me(ish) and don't seem to be getting into trouble regardless of how many times the act out. It just makes me question, "Why even try?"

thankgiving weekend.

So the lovely thanksgiving weekend is now wrapping up, we also celebrated my mum's forty eighth birthday today! It's been a great weekend full of family and food, I really have so many things to be thankful for. :) One thing that has not been good this weekend, for me anyways, is the weather! For everyone else it was beautiful we had weather around 20 degrees+ the whole weekend...ya. I love fall to death, mentioned this before, but I just really want to wear my sweaters and knits and scarfs! I think it is ridiculous if you are going to get your Thankgiving veggies from the stalls and you are sweating your face off in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. :( I wasn't happy...

That is why actually I want to write this post, an inspiration for a rainy day on a monday! Because I just want it to be fall! This week is all supposed to be sunny until wednesday and then rain thursday and friday. Let's hope for some windchill tomorrow and wednesday, but here we go onto my inspiration lately:

(I love this little girl! She is so cute and I can so imagine dressing my little girl in this before telling her to go play outside!)

(Beautiful house! I love how the fall decorations are kept elegant with a simple fall wreath on the door and the pumpkins leading up the steps! The unraked leaves add a little touch too.)

(Such a beautiful shot of the woods during fall, I love the up close colourful leaves and how you can just make out some people in the background.)

(I love the "decorations" on this house too, with the colourful leaves adorning the sides of the house and chimney anything more then the simple wreath on the door would be too much!)

(I love how the neutral colour-sceme full of different textures and patterns just screams fall, I love the shelving around the fireplace and the basket they are using to hold the wood, such a neat concept! I wish I was there...)

(I love every. single. concept in this outfit! I love the HUGE oversized cardigan and want it. I have been loving a white collar under any cardigan lately and have been wanting on myself and the burnt orange pants are a great way to add that fall trend to an outfit, before this I hadn't seen it done in a way I liked!)

(This reminds me of the scarf I just finished knitting so of course I had to add it... Again, I love this gray cable-knit cardi and want it!)

(This looks so cozy! I really want to knit myself a blanket like this and have been toying with the idea since June when I learned how to knit! Again the sweater looks so cozy and I love the added affect of the mug in hand. Wish I was in this situation in front of a firplace with the wind howling outside)

(Isn't this kitty just adorable!!! I love him he looks so cute...aww, now I gotta go cuddle with my little darlings.)

So I have deduced by making this post that 1- The weather better get colder soon, much to my mother's chagrin, 2- I want to start knitting a huge, cozy blanket and a pullover sweater (both have been on my maybe list but now it's official), & 3- I must find more money to go by more cardigans...oh dear.

On a side note I finished Angels and Demons today, LOVED the book, it took so many 180's, I can see myself reading this book again and again and again for years to come and still finding knew things. It was such a good book a breezed through it in two days, I feel I could have finished sooner but it included some difficult language, very mathematical that sometimes you had to read twice.

heatwave-maritime style.

So I-as well as everyone who pays attention to the news-has been hearing about the heatwave that was all the rage over in the UK for the past week or so. I never thought it would get here...granted it has only been one day and I suspect it won't last for much longer than two days but still! It's October! I am someone who l-o-v-e-s fall. Fall and winter are easily my favorite seasons by far for many reasons but I won't get into that now.

I wasso excited that it was finally October and the temperature dropped. I put the fleece sheets on my bed, have been lighting all my candles, bought a new winter coat and I even started knitting a chunky dark grey scarf. So you can imagine my dismay that when I finally finish my scarf...we have 24 degree weather celcius outside. I mean come one Mother Nature! I am sure that many people are beyond ecstatic with the news of this small heatwave but I just can't find it in me. :(

Alright-rant over. Now it's time for me to do something with my day! Yesterday was my true day off during which I did absolutely nothing but surf the web and knit. Today however I have some serious making up to do because of that slack day. I have four projects I have to work on and also I have to make a trip to the mall to pick up my wonderful mummy some birthday presents!

four day weekends FTW and sad ramblings

Loving this whole feeling that even though tomorrow is a Friday, I will not be getting up! Unfortunately I have a shit load of homework to do over the weekend but regardless! Tomorrow, me and my bed will be catching up on some lost time.

This long weekend is so wonderful, I am over the moon. Wow...two days off of school after one month in and this is what happens to me! Sad... It's just...so stressful! Damn grade eleven, next year better be less stressful, everyone always says that grade eleven is the hardest year and so far I agree.

I think all of this stress has been affecting what little sanity that I had left. I swear I can be almost sobbing one hour to skipping down the store aisles singing "White and Nerdy" the next. All of this work and pressure has been messing with my brain! I am not even the same at swim, it seems this week that I can't even get through one practice with breaking down. Of course I break down when I have be goggles on and am swimming so no one can see but it has happened more then a few times just this week, actually to be specific it has happened at every practice I went to this week. Three.

I don't know what is wrong with me but I feel as if I am not good enough and I will never be good enough. Whenever Coach critiques one of my strokes or tells me to do say 200 IM pull I find myself thinking some very rude things about telling him where to go, how to get there and what to do. It's terrible! Swimming has, unfortunately, become more of a habit that a want lately. It seems as if I am just going to the pool and jumping in because it is expected of me rather than I actually want to go there, improve and get a good work out in. And this has for sure been affecting my strokes and my attitudes towards swimming in general along with my whole swim team.

For example, today when it was announced that out first meet would be against another regional high school sometime next week or the week after my gut didn't clench in anticipation or exhileration. No, instead I just felt dread and thought, I don't, won't and can't do this. I have lost the thrill of swimming, instead it just feels bland and I don't even want to.

I have no clue what I will do, most likely, scratch that, most definitely I will suck it the fuck up and swim anyways. Just because I don't want to be known as the-girl-who-quit-the-swim-team-and-let-the-whole-team-down. Once again, I will put my feelings in the back seat and shut up. Jesus, what happened to all that optimism I had at the start of this post about four day weekends?

physics tests, english essays & geometry assignments

Homework, homework, homework! Thank gods that I have a four day weekend the weekend. I forsee books, candles and tea in my near future, with long mornings in bed and perhaps some blogging? In an ideal world that is all that I would do all weekend but I think aiming for a Friday just like that seems perfect and reasonable.

Life lately has just been one huge ordeal and I have been so close on the edge of breaking down recently that I am hoping that this weekend will do me some good. It's time to just relax, unwind and forget about the stress I call life for one day.

After that it can be back to homework as usual. Thankfully after studying for a combined many, many hours I have got my Physics test out of the way this morning, which was a huge load off of my shoulders. I study enough that I know all the material but there is nothing I can do to get rid of how nervous I get right before a test! But that's over with now and there is nothing more I can do so I will not stress out about how I did, woo hoo!

Today I was on a roll because after stressing out for a week about my grade on my english essay I just re-calculated my mark and figured out that I had in fact recieved an 85% and not a 72%!! That means that I don't have to re-write the whole essay!

I swear, it finally feels as if the universe has decided, "Alright, we put a lot onto Miss Anna's shoulders lately so we will just back off for the time being!" The last few days have been days from Hell and I can't even fully explain why! I just know that know I got a better mark on my english essay and that I have a really easy level one math project due in two weeks time! Hullo taking pictures of random shapes and putting them in some form of presentation, scrapbook.

I really hope that this mood continues on into tomorrow, I could do with one more good day to start the weekend off.

october?!?

Wow, I can't believe October is here already. I took a...long...break from this blog over the summer and at the time that was what was right for me. Some days I felt like oh I should go and write something down but the feeling would soon pass. But here I am again just because I was reading over the last few entries and they really made me quite happy.

I started school almost a month ago now and really the month has flown. Grade eleven is a lot harder then I initially thought but mostly I am loving it. There has been a few bumps along the way; like the fact that I have Physics this year and the class I was most excited for, Law, turned out to be dud. Yet I am loving the challenge and it just make me think of how I only have one more year and then it is off on my own to university. A scary, yet very exciting, thought.

Right now I am beyond tired and just feel like curling up under my warm, fuzzy sheets so I will finish this post up. I really don't have anything else to talk about, well I suppose I do but nothing that I feel like elaborating on. I am officially going to Europe-Italy & Spain-next year. I learned how to knit over the summer, my great-grammie Goodine taught me and I am loving it! The only real reason I mention this is because I bought some new yarn tonight a thick. fuzzy, dark gray colour and already started making a new scarf, so excited to finish that! I also bought a pile of new books over the summer...and I swear I haven't finished more than 10. School has been taking up most of my time!!

With that I really am off, time to turn off the computer and blow out the candles, all that the late, late time of nine o'clock! Say whhaatt? Yes, I have been going to bed at embarrassingly early times since school began, actually nine is on the later half. My only comment is, why did I ever stop going to bed early!?! I love it! <3

summer vacations

Summer is well under way and just thought of waking up at 7AM five times a week in just seven weeks makes me shudder! It's crazy to think that summer is almost halfway over and I haven't really gone anywhere! That is always how my summer's go, with the exception of Summer 2010 when I went away at the start of July. Usually however I stick around town doing nothing really important until the end of July and then August is usually crammed full of things I want to get down before school starts. Crazy but that's me.

This year has been a little different as I am not sure if I am going to have a job but one vacation is set in stone whether I get the job or not. That vacation is creeping up in two weeks time and even though I won't even be leaving the province it has to be, hands down, the highlight of my summer. I will be getting to see Rebecca again!! I am beyond excited for this encounter, I feel as if a part of my family is missing! I lived with her for 6 months, I don't even want to think about how far away the next time I will be seeing her after this is... But you have to focus on the good, I am so excited to see her and her aunt Solange again. I can't even think of words to express how happy and excited I am, ecstatic maybe? I will be travelling to the North of NB a couple of days before their arrival which gives me time to spend time with my grammie and see her new place, then I will be meeting up with them and we will travel down the province with some stops along the way showing them the beautiful province of New Brunswick. Neither of them has really explored it and it is Solange's first time ever so I am hoping it will be enjoyable! Then they will drop me off, spend a day in my town and then be on their way. It is going to be terrible to have to say good-bye yet again to Reb! :(

Then, job permitting my friend Shantel and I have a shopping trip down to New Hampshire planned which I am looking forward to because it will be a great place to get some school clothes shopping done but if I get the shop I will have to back out of it, which I hope I don't have to do but we'll see. I have no problem cancelling a simple shopping trip with someone who I can see whenever and see every day at school. But my trip with Rebecca, no way in hell I am cancelling that. I would even go so far as to say that I will decline the job if I get it if I cannot get the time. This is so important to me that it is a necessity. Hopefully it won't come to that!

tea, candles and kittens

The weather where I live has been gorgeous recently, and many days have been spent outdoors at the park or beach. But after being outside all the time, constantly out and about under the sun it is kind of relaxing for that one over cast day when you can just stay in bed still in your pj's all day. I am probably one of the very few people who feel this way but I need that day every now and then when I light some nice smelling candles, make myself a cup of tea and busy myself in a magazine or on the computer. It's kind of theraputic for me and of course my cats will eventually slink into my room and hop onto my bed where they will curl into a ball and be fast asleep in five seconds flat. Lucky buggers.

The other evening I did something that I kind of hope will become a weekly tradition. I am one of the ones who admits that she spends way to much time on the computer. Even if I visit all of my daily websites and do all that I deem necessary on the computer I will continue to stay on and mindlessly surf the interwebz until before I know it, hours have passed. I will be the first to admit that it's quite sad and pathetic. That's why the other evening I shut down my laptop, turned off the WiFi on my iPod, ignored my phone, lit up a wide variety of candles and grabbed a stack of old magazines, slowly working my way through them. It was in fact one of the most peaceful evenings I had in awhile and I enjoyed it a lot more that an evening spend staring at the screen of a computer yet again. Before I knew it my most irratible kitty Survivor, who isn't a kitty in any sense of the word being the eldest of my three babies and the big, bad, king of the castle I call home, jumped up onto my bed and curled up on my bed and quickly fell asleep where he remained all night and until 10AM the next morning.

That in itself was lovely just because know that he is older Survivor doesn't like to cuddle very much and rarely sleeps with me preferring to sleep on weird hard places like the telephone book or the table. When I woke up the next morning all three of my kitties had surrounded me and were all asleep. All in all, it was lovely and I feel that more evenings without technology are in my future.

sunny summer days

So I wrote this up on my computer last Thursday, June 23rd. Then forgot to upload it... So a little late but none the less,

Another sunny day where I am at, it's wonderful. I am actually writing this on my back deck, it's too nice of a day to spend cooped up inside. It is truly feeling like summer, I know that it's supposed to rain all weekend but right now, sitting outside, feeling the cool breeze while the sun beats down on me, blue skies all around, this is summer. I don't have anything to do today so I plan on soaking up as much vitamin D as possible.

Yesterday I went to the lake twice and I had an absolute blast. Yesterday was another one of those gorgeous sunny days so my friend and I heading out to the lake around noon to just lay around and maybe go for a swim. Now let my first declare one thing, I am very diligent with my sunscreen application, I use SPF 45 and make sure to re-apply numerous times throughout the day. Believe it or not it is possible to get a tan with sunscreen on, shocker! But you will not get burned, which lowers you risk of cancer. One thing I am terrified of is getting melenoma or something, especially when it is so preventable.

So while I love to lay out in the sun I always apply loads of sunscreen, as was the case yesterday. Except one minor detail, my back. Your back is kind of a hard place to reach by yourself so my plan was to get my friend Jordan to apply it for me, only as soon as I got to the lake it completely slipped my mind! Such a stupid move...my back was as red as a lobster yesterday! Now 24 hours later it still hurts...and we never even got to go for a swim. The clouds came over and made it chilly so there was no way I was going to freeze my butt off trying to get dry afterwards.

After having supper with my friend and just laying around she decided to go home and then my parents called me up wanting to know if I felt like going to the lake for a drive. Even though I had already been there today, and been burned, I decided why not, put on a sweater grabbed dinky little Kodak camera and headed out. The lake is absolutely beautiful in the evening, all the swimmers have long since gone home so the water is calm as can be, all the colours of the sky are reflected into the water making it a breathtaking site.

While my parents stayed around the truck sipping their coffees I ran out with my camera and started snapping pictures of all the nature. I found this little waterfall near the lake and took pictures messing around with the colouring then I went over to a picnic table and tried to capture the essence on the lake. With the trees surronding the still water, the sun in the background. One thing I always get frustrated with is that it is so hard to capture the true beauty of something in a camera lense.

Thankfully now my sunburn is not sore! Yay...only took four days, that's what you get for stupidity. Well after a long weekend of fog and rain it is nice and sunny again so I am off to cook a yummy summer supper with a nice salad. Maybe another post later tonight.

happy summer

Today while browsing across blogs I realized how much I miss my own. I miss having this place to just rant or rave about random things. I miss writing most of all. I have now been on summer vacation for six days and I couldn't be happier. I feel as if this giant weight has just been lifted. I cannot put into words they way I felt when I came home from my last exam and just sat down. I stared at my bookbag and I knew that I didn't have to do any work that night. I knew I didn't have to get up the next morning and face another day of school.

This school year has been an incredible one. I have faced so many firsts. I have lost friends and realized who is important to me. I have been through sad times and joyful times. I have lived away from home. I made a life long friend. Looking back on this year...it's unbelievable to think that it all happened within a ten month time frame. All the memories, it's...crazy.

Coming back to school here was, to say the least, hectic. There were times that I just sat down and cried. I didn't know how to do it. How to get all my work done and get the marks I wanted. There were times where I cursed my exchange and wished I never did it because I couldn't see a way for me to end the year on a good note for me. I am an honour student...thinking of a 70% makes me want to curl into a ball and not move for a month. However, now it's over and I wouldn't change a damn thing. I did what I could do. It is impossible to do 3 months of work in 1 month and eventually I came to realize that. I have two more years of high school left, I cannot stress out over one semester in my grade ten year that didn't even include credit courses.

It's over now, I get my marks this Friday and we will see that, I still cringe thinking of the 70's but I am calm enough now to take it in stride and kick ass next year.

For now, it's summer. The time for relaxing with friends and sleeping in when you can, not stressing out over school.

one month and a half later...

I was so proud of myself for maintaining this blog while I was in Quebec! I got into the hang out it and really tried to update, update, update. Unfortunately the sooner it got time to come home, when all the fun stuff was happening, I slacked off! Well obviously I am back home now, still not ecstatic to be back in between these four walls. I am happy to be back in my hometown and with my friend and my family (some) but I am really confused about some things. I am thinking of moving in with my mum and after recieving some devastating news at the start of this month I really would love to be closer to her. However, if I do decide to move, it is only 10 minutes away by car but it leaves my bus route. My mum lives uptown and the only way I can get to the high school I am attending now is if I take the city bus. This isn't too big of a problem and my school offers eligible students the forementioned bus pass, yet it just seems to be a huge hassle. Considering there is only nine more days left of school for me (+ my exams) I am thinking I will just leave the bus pass issue until the fall and move in with my mother after school ends. Let's hope this plan works! I feel very unwanted here, like I am left out a lot, I can leave and no one notice until I get back. I suppose that might be because I like to hermit in my room a lot but still. I don't want attention but I do want to feel wanted in my "home".

"Home is not where you live but where they understand you."

Besides the home life school like has also been very stressful! Since the end of the year is approaching projects are piling up and the looming due dates are coming closer and closer! I feel that it is no fair that I have the same due dates mostly as all of the other kids who have been here the three months! Frankly I think it is ridiculous! In my English class and PDCP I have more done on my Term Paper and Final Project than half the other students in my class who have had an extra month+! It just seems unfair. However I am going to get those projects done, I am going to do amazing on them and I will show them. At the very least I will have my personal self-satisfaction that I can do that. Life isn't fair, you just have to learn how to roll with the punches!

Lastly I am thinking of creating a new blog, a foodie and excercise one! I won't be abandoning this one in the very least if I do! This will still be my blog for travelling and documenting my average life and I want to keep this blog specifically for that! However I am trying to lose a little bit of the excess fat I have laying over my body and I think a blog will be a perfect place to do that! And it is eco-friendly, I am typing everything up, no putting it down on paper! Now that I have writting this all out I think I am going to, I hope I will be able to maintain two blogs, while maintaing one is hard enough for me! I can do it, just like I can get all my projects done!

Side Note: I just lighted some candles to get a nice atmosphere going on and I burnt my thumb off of the lighter! Oww!! My plans for a cup of tea have now been put on hold and I am off in search of some ice!!

Opportunities do not come with their values stamped upon them. ~Maltbie Babcock

I have been neglecting this blog so much! Yikes...I suppose it started when I got sick back at the end of March. It was terrible! I felt so horrible and went 72 hours without eating! Really not healthy, and then when I started feeling better my appetite was so bizarre, I was hungry from not eating so I binge-ate and then I felt terrible again. It took about a week for my stomach to get back to its normal size and for me not to feel like being sick after I ate anything. After that I just have been so busy. Finishing up projects here, and now I look at the calender and see that I only have 9 more days left in St-Raymond.


These past three months has just flew by, just like I said they would. I feel so lucky and thankful, that I have had the opportunity to live in Quebec and experience the culture here. I believe that the only way to learn and see something for yourself is to live and experience it. That is what I have done here, I have attended school here, felt the stress of staying up late to finish a project, I have felt frustration at not being able to express myself clearly to people but you know what that frustration has done for me? It has helped me push myself further, to pause, search my brain and then try again, and again, and again until I succeed. Because here I don't have my first language to fall back on. Back home, yes I did learn the language but everyone else knew english too! If I didn't know how to say something it was so easy to not even try and just fall back on my first language by saying what I wanted to in english. Even talking to Rebecca it is easy to do that, she understands english so I automatically just say the unknown word in english.


It has nothing to do with being lazy or not trying, it is just an automatic mechanism! But here, 99.9% of the time. I cannot do that, I can't just take the easy way out, I have to try and try until I get it right. That frustrating feeling when you look at someone and you can just see on their face that they have no clue what you just said is annoying as hell. I hate it, and because I feel so strongly towards it I have been able to use it to my advantage. I don't like feeling like that so I have fought against it, done the best I can and just recently I had a full conversation, about gym, Quebec City, people in the class, etc. with a substitute teacher and she never ONCE gave me that confused look and asked my what I just said. No, I had a conversation with a teacher whom I had never met before, never seen before in my life, she didn't know I was on an exchange trip either! And she never once asked me to repeat myself. That my friends, that is my definition of victory.


Yes, I am sad to say good-bye to all of the amazing friends I have made here, I am sad that I soon will my walking the halls of Louis-Jobin for the last time but I know that this trip has been so beneficial to me. No, I haven't gotten over my shyness, I still cannot go into a room full of strangers and start mingling but I feel so much more confident in my french. Before this trip, I was so nervous to talk in french to anyone else then the people in my class or my teachers, anyone who's first language was french. I was so scared that they would be judging me in their head, disecting every pronunciation that I got wrong, laughing at me. While I am sure that there might be some people out there who do that I can't let that get to me, especially not here! Not talking isn't really an option to not talk so after 3 months of talking in a different language, of overcoming language barriers I feel so much more confident. I have become friends with people who do not speak english, I have been able to share jokes and have conversation with them! I cannot express how happy I am with how this exchange worked out.


At first I wasn't sure how well I was paired with Rebecca, I will admit at first I even considered denying it. On paper we have nothing in common, we are almost complete opposites, but now, after almost a year of corresponding my e-mails and living together we are closer then I could even imagine. Rebecca and I share the same kind of humor which has helped us bond throughout this past year and now we aren't friends, we aren't even best friends, we are sisters. I have lost so many friendships over the past two years and it takes me awhile to open up and become friends with someone, but with Rebecca I have. And I have not one doubt in my mind that we will not remain friends for many years to come, because we relate so well to each other, we have lived together and now each other better then anyone! And we both want to remain close, Rebecca already has plans to come visit SJ this summer and I am positive that I will return back to St-Raymond in the future.


I have grown throughout this exchange, gained confidence and made life-long friends. I have learned many things, not just academically. I have learned that some things I have dealt with I shouldn't of had to. I am so sad to say good-bye to St-Raymond and Louis-Jobin but I can deal with it because I know I will be back to St-Raymond and I know I have made a couple amazing friends. I have memories from these past 6 months that no one will ever be able to take away from me. I did not know what exactly was going to come with this exchange when I decided to do it, I can still remember sitting on my dads bed at 11 o'clock at night and trying to convince him to let me do it, I could have never imagined that things would have fallen into place the way they did...and I couldn't be happier.

les devoirs chaque nuit...

I cannot believe that another week is half over...and that another month is almost over. Yup...crazy to think that tomorrow will be the last day of March 2011. This year is zooming by so fast. I really have to keep this short because well, I am avoiding doing my homework while I write this. I still have one more question in History to tackle before starting on a writing piece for French class and then finishing up the night studying for my French test tomorrow. Oh yes, the night is far from over for Anna tonight... All that I seem to be doing lately is homework, homework, homework while I just watch the days zip by! It is astounding to me...time goes by so fast but I am enjoying every last minute of it here. Dare I say, even the homework? I am a self-proclaimed nerd but it shocked even me when last night I found myself happily doing Chemistry homework, that is to say actually enjoying it and being sad that I had only two pages to do. I honestly think all this french has gone to my head or something...