Today I couldn't help but struggle with what was the "proper" way to deal with my grief. Even while thinking it I couldn't help but scold myself on how there was no proper guideline of instructions on showing your grief; you can hold it in, or let it out. I usually choose to hold it in. I knew I was being ridiculous but I couldn't help feeling like I didn't have a right to cry. Around me were people who were so much closer to Kenny, I never knew him that well so, why should I cry? But...after so many years of hiding away behind a wall, I am very open with my emotions. Sometimes it will come back to hurt me but, in my opinion, that is much better than bottling everything up.
Even though I did not know him as well as I wish I had, Kenny was still my uncle. And for that, I love him. And for that, staring at his deceased corpse was unbelievably hard.
After his long fight with cancer, his operation was his only chance at life. Ironically, this operation cost him his life. Everyone thought that we had seen the light at the end of the tunnel, that his fight was almost over. Coming out of surgery everything had seemed so promising, yet things turned so very fast. I would like to believe that Kenny did not suffer as he passed, and his heart contained memories of the good times with his family and friends.
I suppose, however, that we were right in a way. Kenny's fight is now over and he will suffer no more. He will always be remembered and loved. The memories he has left us with will be cherished until we come to our final resting place as well. A candle will burn in my heart in memory of my uncle Kenny, always.
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