Feeling Frustrated

Everyone has those days, when no matter what you do it just feels like you aren't getting anywhere and you just need to rant. For me, it seems that this week has been full of moments like that. Whether it was trying to do my Chemistry homework after missing a day of school or at the pool it seems as if I am taking gigantic leaps backwards instead of forwards. I suppose however the hardest moments have been at the pool. Because of my shoulder injury I wasn't able to swim for two months so finally after waiting for what seems like years, you have to remember I swam once a day beforehand, I was so overjoyed to get back into the pool. I don't know what I was expecting but my shoulder didn't magically heal when I entered the water. No, it still hurt and I was unable to use that arm, only allowed to do kick. But I figured I could wean myself back onto using that arm, I followed every rule prescribed by the physiotherapist, it had to get better! And it was, the pain had scaled down immensely, I was overjoyed by the concept that maybe, sometime soon, I would be able to use both arms again. Then the incident happened.

I suppose it is a true sign that my arm was getting better because one night when I was opening my door and having a little difficulty, I shoved my arm against the door, my whole weight behind it, to get it to open up. Yes, that arm, on the bright side the door opened and I learned a very important lesson, not to use your bad arm regardless if you think it is getting better because now I am back to square one. Icing it more than I would like and taking my prescribed medication again. I know writing this it doesn't seem like a big deal, children are starving all over the world, people have missing limbs and are off much worse than me but to a teenage girl who just wants to be healthy and be back swimming I am scared and angry and disappointed. Scared that I have damaged my shoulder for the rest of my life, which if I am honest, I already know the answer to. Angry that it won't get better. Disappointed of my poor performance in the pool. And scared of what will happen next swim season...

Lullaby

Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on...

Just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Artist: Nickleback

A Rare Enjoyed Evening

Very rarely it happens that I am able to enjoy an evening during which I did nothing or accomplished nothing. Tonight was one of those evenings and it couldn't have come at a better time. It seems as if this week has just drug on and on and on, and it's only Wednesday! I also think I am coming down with a cold or the flu so that has been less than enjoyable. Needless to say when I finished my homework within two hours tonight I was shell shocked, what could I do with my spare time? The answer came in the form of a large mug of hot chocolate, a long phone call with my mum and somehow spending and hour and a half surfing the web...and now I can't even remember what websites I went on. But I kind of can't help but love evenings like this because it never happens that I finish my homework with a substantial amount of time before bedtime to do nothing it.

I don't think I could handle doing absolutely nothing every evening however, just because I think I would go crazy out of boredom but every once in awhile nothing can be more wonderful than a break from the formulas, the graphs and the sheets.

italia & espana

 In four short weeks I will be walking along the Mediterranean, until then however I have to suffice with pictures of the beautiful countries I will be visiting and daydream.

Flabbergasted

Looking over my list of goals for 2012 I realize that a lot [read: majority] have to do with or have to be done when I go abroad. I mean as long as I get them all done over there that's fine but I feel like I should have spaced out my goals a little bit more throughout the year. Speaking of the list, number 1 was to finish Physics with at least a 90...well the report cards were handed out yesterday and I didn't make that goal BUT I did get an 89...holy crap. Considering I had an 85 walking into my exam I cannot believe I brought my mark up that much, after a talk with my teacher I walked away flabbergasted that I had received the top mark on the Physics 11 exam with a 98...I didn't even think that was possible. It helps prove to myself that hard work, dedication and studying really does pay off and I don't have to wait for ten years down the road to realize that. I was Simonds' Student of the Week this week and it really just feels like surprise after surprise. I only hope that next semester will be as great as the one past.