Anxiety

I've stopped posted the Picture A Day thing, solely because exams took up all of my time and right now I really need to just blow off steam and cleanse my mind and get a lot off my chest.
My anxiety has been acting up a lot within the last month and some. I thought that when I moved up here I would miraculously get better; in hindsight, that even sounds stupid.
I handled school pretty well. I only had that one really bad breakdown writing my history paper, which I did well on in the end. Then trying to plan for a trip home started and I had one night when I just reverted back to my old self... In fact I've had a few of those nights within the last few months.
Even now, after only writing a paragraph and not even getting to the point, I've calmed down.
The thing is, lately I've become more phobic of answering the phone. Tonight it got to the point where I procrastinated for over an hour, began shaking and tearing up and just had to force myself to do it. It's like that way with emails too sometimes, even if it isn't bad I just can't force myself to read it. A simple message from a friend I'll procrastinate for hours from reading it.
But tonight. I had to ask someone if they could look after my cat. I stuttered and I muttered and I talked in round about ways, generally becoming flustered. He agreed but after getting off the phone I burst into tears.
I began shaking again and I didn't know what to do and I'm just frustrated at myself.
I've also put off a trip to Gatineau and to Bath & Body Works because I'm scared to get lost. Those are little, materialistic things, but I'm literally stopping my life because I'm afraid to get on the wrong bus. I can chalk some of it up to laziness or "I don't want to talk an hour bus drive", but when it comes down to it I'm stopping my life because I'm scared. I've created my own little bubble here and some days I can't force myself to leave.
I don't know what to do. Lord knows I need the best therapist money can buy for all my issues, but at the moment I'm just struggling and hoping it will get better.
I need to remember to risk.

Snowfall

December 2, 2013

Published one day late, because I was writing an essay last night when my computer overheated and gave up on me, so I gave up on yesterday and went to bed. There will be a delay on the third's pictures as well, because I can't get the photos off my phone, but I promise I'm still taking the pictures and they will inevitably end up here.

And hey, the essay's written. FYEAH.

Capturing December: Favourite holiday movie

Pictured: Joyeux Noel--the Hollywood rendition of the "sends-shivers-down-my-spine-and-warms-my-heart" tale of the German and Scottish troops halted the fighting for Christmas Eve.

Unpictured: The Polar Express, which also has my heart with its story of believing and magic

December Book Photo Challenge: Favourite series

Pictured: How could I not go with the classic tale that started it all? Harry Potter and the wizarding world captured 7-year-old-me's imagination and has never let go.

Unpictured: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (potential favourite?), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Advent

Sunday, December 1st

The first day of Advent and debatably the “right” day to start becoming excited for Christmas. Obviously I’ve been beyond excited for the last month, but nonetheless the first of December is an exciting day. It also marks the first day of my photo challenges.

Capturing December: Your view today

A cup of Earl Grey, my cat Spencer and an English textbook looming in the background. 

Unpictured: the sound of Christmas music playing, my favourite stories up on my computer and my tired face

December Book Photo Challenge: To read this month

Selon-moi, an appropriate mix of festive and non-festive reads.

Pictured: The Christmas Secret (a collection of Atlantic Canadian short Christmastime stories), Remembering Christmas by Dan Walsh (Christmas romantic fluff), How To Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran (a.k.a. I've been meaning to read this since August) and Cornered by Ron MacLean and Kirstie McLellan Day (a.k.a. bought at the same time as How To Be...)

Other Memories From Today...

• I thought I worked a 2-10 today, but I worked a 6-2
• I hurt my finger trying to put my chair together
• It's been snowing all day, so everything else doesn't matter.