It's been awhile since I wrote a long, wordy post, but that's kind of what I'm in the mood for today. You see, I'm feeling more than a little bit homesick. I think it's because the holidays are creeping up and the holidays are my favourite part of the year, but this year I'm almost certain I won't be able to travel home for Christmas. This means that this year could potentially be my first year spending Christmas on my own. The reason I might stay in Ottawa over the holidays has to do with the fact that I took a seasonal job, meaning my contract runs straight through to January and I'd feel bad even attempting to take time off for such a short work term. Also, money is playing a factor of course.
So this has led to a whole tipsy-turvy slew of emotions lately. I haven't been able to shake the feeling of unease and just be happy, because I'm constantly worried. It seems trife to be thinking this far ahead and getting worried about a mere possibility, but like I said, I absolutely love the holidays. I'm not a religious person, so the able for me is in the lead up and the excitement and the music and the lights. I love buying present for people and spending time with family.
I've had some awful Christmases in the past, full of tears and fights, but I can't seem to let that convince me it's not a magical time of year. In my head it's like I'm still six years old and waiting for Santa.
And I guess it's a good thing to still believe in that magic, but it makes the thought of spending Christmas alone in a big city a little daunting. So perhaps it was those thoughts swirling in my head that led me to talk to my mum on the phone for nearly two hours this evening..I'm sure it had something to do with it at least.
My mum and I talk on the phone almost every second night or so, and usually it's for around an hour, but tonight was extra special because I opened my birthday present over the line! My mum doesn't have Skype or even a computer, so all of our communication is over the phone or through letters, so it felt like she was really here with me opening it, which is significant seeing she hasn't been to apartment since the month I signed the lease!
She had to twist my rubber arm a bit to get me to open it though, because my birthday isn't until next week; however, her argument was that we wouldn't get to talk to one another the day of my birthday because we'd both be so busy attending services and with the time zone difference fate probably wouldn't align. (My birthday is on Remembrance Day by the way!--Nov. 11)
She had packed me up a sweet little box, which I'm sure cost a small fortune to ship, and had stuffed it full of small little items with a lot of meaning: coffee because I complained I almost ran out a week or so ago, lots of warm socks and fleece-lined tights for winter in the country's coldest bloody city, different dark chocolates and little Nutella packs that I raved about four years ago when I went to Italy (was that really four year ago!!?!) and just became available over here recently.
All in all, it was a great little chat that distracted me from the fact that my muscles are sore from swimming, I have an ear ache, and I have a big assignment due Thursday. And to be honest, those are the best kind of chats of all, right?
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