Again!?

I find myself bored with nothing to do and I did make that promise to write whenever I was bored so here you find me, snuggled down, far beneath my sheets with my kitten near my feet blogging. If I had some hot chocolate it would be the perfect scene. Anyways I had an idea about what to write about, besides all of my usual ramblings of course. I was thinking about how easy I have fallen back into the habit of blogging, which made me think about how hard I found it at the beginning, which lead to think about WHY I started blogging. My mind can connect some pretty far off things... But anyways, I was thinking about my blogging experience and before I dive into my reason for blogging I am going to talk about the "epiphany" I had. I now believe the reason I had such a hard time writing at first was because I had such a hard time opening up. I mean this is real I am writing this on the Internet where anyone could stumble upon. I was terrified that someone would read this I think. I mean now I realize no one besides me, myself and I read this or really care what it has to say. So now I have just turned it into my own personnal journal. This is where I jot things down away from the eyes of my family so I won't forget. At one time or another what I write here was important...er...well some posts, others I can freely admit are just stupid and nonsensical.

So going right into my blogging story then. It all started in July. When I was in BC on Rabbit Island. A lot of things commenced there...in theory. I had a lot of revelations there which in turn lead to a lot of changes and new things happening. Before I was on Rabbit Island I was feeling very discouraged about my work, very uninspired. However while I was on Rabbit Island one night at dinner (we ended up having supper very late there both nights I stayed) someone, me or my dad, I forget, let slip that I wanted to be an author. That made for an abrupt subject change, everyone was asking me questions and was GENUINELY interested! It was great! It was so powerful that suddenly I felt powerful! As if I could write anything and it was become a hit! It was these five strangers (six later that evening) who believed in me. That's what I felt, I didn't get any questioning to if my work was good, no scolding that an author was not a sensible career, disbelief. None of that which I had recieved back home from my family! There was one man there named Bruce who even swapped plot ideas with me! We talked about writing a mystery, something I was, and still am, scared to write because I don't believe I am smart enoughg to write a captivating, secretive, mystery plot, but at that moment I could have written one! That is what support does to you, I went from shy and embarassed about my dreams being revealed to suddenly telling everyone at the table about the stories I have written! It was truly a great memory.

However that does not explain why I started blogging, that came later that night while I was talking to an inspiring woman named Michelle (for privacy reasons I will not give her full name). She used to be a teacher but now spends her days living in Panama with a MONKEY. She was very inspiring, her and I sat down on the couch and talked for an hour, at least, about my writing! She gave me great advice about which genre I should persue and how I should go about it. She listed off authors I had never heard of and told me I needed to read their material! Before we parted that night we swapped email addresses but not before she gave me one more piece of advice on how to get myself out there. BLOGGING! So that is how I got on here but of course I am going to ram le on for another five minutes about other stuff.

It was those people on the island, Dave, Osa, Dave Two, Bruce, his brother and ESPECIALLY Michelle, who helped me get back into my writing spirit. I don't know if I still would be writing if it wasn't for their advice. I was at a point where I really had given up hope, after I had finally told everyone I wanted to be an author (which took almost a year) all anything anybody told me was negative! They told me I would never make it and should rethink things. I tried to stay positive, I did. Writing was what I wanted to do and I was still hoping that my family would see and accept that! But the last straw was when I saw my grandmothers face slip from a beaming smile to a grimace when I told her I wanted to write. That was it, I was hurt immensely and it wasn't until I was on the island that I regained all the courage my family had destroyed. So now I have the attitude that I am writing for myself and o my myself. I am goi g to do what makes me happy, not what makes my family happy. Sure I still have my doubts but for the most part, thanks to the wonderful people on Rabbit Island I am writing and confident again!

So that's my ramble of the week! Happy new years!

Memo to self-- Backdoor of Midnight was an amazing book! Read more by Elizabeth Chandler.

Goodbye 2010.

It's new years eve! Finally! I can say with all my heart that I have been waiting for this day for awhile. 2010, while holding some memories I will cherish all my life, was not the best year for me. Neither was the end of 2009 to be honest but with my exchange right around the corner I will be leaving for three months very soon! 2011 will include some big changes for me, I will be moving away from home to a town I have never seen, it will be the end of my grade ten year and the start of my eleventh. All in all I am very excited for the clock to strike twelve. I know that I am taking this whole new year thing very serious when really it's just another day, the only factor that makes it any different is that little one being added to the end of our year instead of a zero. And of course our mindset. Our mindset has a huge factor in all the things we think the new year will bring. That's what new years is all about for me, the symbolism behind it. Now I could talk about the symbolism behind new years forever and I am sure a lot of people can, probably better then I can in fact but to me it means new beginnings, it means that regardless of what happened this past year, I survived. I am coming out battered and bloody with scars that cover me and still twinge to touch but I am coming out of it alive with the hopes that the new year will bring me the hope and time to heal my wounds. New years means different things to everyone but that is what it means to me.

Yup pretty sure I am back.

Twice in one day. This is a record am I wrong? I have update back-to-back daily but never twice in one day. Guess this being able to update from my phone is pretty damn helpful. So I had the urge to blog again while I wait but I really am clueless about what to write...set back. Guess I will post more often but the posts will be small and pointless. I guess I will just write down some things that I have written down these past few months and even before. Oh and before I jump into that. Guess what? What you ask? Started writing my own novel, oh yeah. My problem is the beginning; I know where I want to go with it but just not how to start it off. I have writing multiple scenes that I will place throughout the story but I only have about a page that I am not so fond about for the beginning! Anyways I'll shut up.

This is something I wrote...quite awhile ago I think it's still very relevant to my life and I find myself relating to it more and more. "People tell you that in life there are going to be hard choices. They tell us that there are going to be ups and downs but not to worry because these difficult times will make us who we are. Well I would like to tell then that although that all sounds great on paper, in the real world sometimes it can be fucking hard. You can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it just seems easier to sit down and say "Fuck you, I have had enough right now." Just something I wrote up when I was really mad at the whole world. Reminds me of my favorite saying "How can I be sure that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't just another train?"

Looking back through the books I have kept over the past year I am seeing all of these stories and brainstorms that are really good but I never persued! Why?!? It's so weird I read the brainstorms and suddenly my brain is running. I could do this or that. Make the character do that or have this and then I just want to write! I really need to go back over everything I started but didn't finish and well...FINISH it! New year, new resolutions, new beginnings, new ME. Right? So right here, right now I am going to make my new years resolution to myself;I will write everytime I am bored. Everytime an idea pops in my head I will write down even if it is ridiculous sounding! How am I supposed to get any better if I don't practice, practice, practice and write, write, write! I won't, plain and simple. So this will be my reminder to do just that!

I'm back?

Blogger has finally allowed for people to write new post from a mobile device! Yaaay. Seeing as that's all I have at the moment I am quite happy because surprisingly I have missed blogging! It's sad that I had finally gotten into the habit of posting semi-weekly when my computer dies...hopefully I will have a new one soon though! A lot of things have happened these past few months but all in all I am in a good place right now. Not writing as much as I would like but I am going to change that. The holidays were quite nice. Well...mostly. Ignoring the fact how I spen an hour of my Christmas eve. Walking around with no coat to avoid family...geez was it cold but I found a nice little playground to have my break down in. Besides my Christmas eve the holidays were alright. I spent some good, quality time with my dad and made a merry Christmas call to my brother in Vancouver at six their time. It was fun. So that about wraps it up and I really don't know what in the world to say here except thank god this dreadful, godamn year is almost over!!!! Happy new year. ;)