I've stopped posted the Picture A Day thing, solely because exams took up all of my time and right now I really need to just blow off steam and cleanse my mind and get a lot off my chest.
My anxiety has been acting up a lot within the last month and some. I thought that when I moved up here I would miraculously get better; in hindsight, that even sounds stupid.
I handled school pretty well. I only had that one really bad breakdown writing my history paper, which I did well on in the end. Then trying to plan for a trip home started and I had one night when I just reverted back to my old self... In fact I've had a few of those nights within the last few months.
Even now, after only writing a paragraph and not even getting to the point, I've calmed down.
The thing is, lately I've become more phobic of answering the phone. Tonight it got to the point where I procrastinated for over an hour, began shaking and tearing up and just had to force myself to do it. It's like that way with emails too sometimes, even if it isn't bad I just can't force myself to read it. A simple message from a friend I'll procrastinate for hours from reading it.
But tonight. I had to ask someone if they could look after my cat. I stuttered and I muttered and I talked in round about ways, generally becoming flustered. He agreed but after getting off the phone I burst into tears.
I began shaking again and I didn't know what to do and I'm just frustrated at myself.
I've also put off a trip to Gatineau and to Bath & Body Works because I'm scared to get lost. Those are little, materialistic things, but I'm literally stopping my life because I'm afraid to get on the wrong bus. I can chalk some of it up to laziness or "I don't want to talk an hour bus drive", but when it comes down to it I'm stopping my life because I'm scared. I've created my own little bubble here and some days I can't force myself to leave.
I don't know what to do. Lord knows I need the best therapist money can buy for all my issues, but at the moment I'm just struggling and hoping it will get better.
I need to remember to risk.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Snowfall
December 2, 2013
Published one day late, because I was writing an essay last night when my computer overheated and gave up on me, so I gave up on yesterday and went to bed. There will be a delay on the third's pictures as well, because I can't get the photos off my phone, but I promise I'm still taking the pictures and they will inevitably end up here.
And hey, the essay's written. FYEAH.
Capturing December: Favourite holiday movie
December Book Photo Challenge: Favourite series
Published one day late, because I was writing an essay last night when my computer overheated and gave up on me, so I gave up on yesterday and went to bed. There will be a delay on the third's pictures as well, because I can't get the photos off my phone, but I promise I'm still taking the pictures and they will inevitably end up here.
And hey, the essay's written. FYEAH.
Capturing December: Favourite holiday movie
Pictured: Joyeux Noel--the Hollywood rendition of the "sends-shivers-down-my-spine-and-warms-my-heart" tale of the German and Scottish troops halted the fighting for Christmas Eve.
Unpictured: The Polar Express, which also has my heart with its story of believing and magic
December Book Photo Challenge: Favourite series
Pictured: How could I not go with the classic tale that started it all? Harry Potter and the wizarding world captured 7-year-old-me's imagination and has never let go.
Unpictured: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (potential favourite?), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Advent
Sunday, December 1st
The first day of Advent and debatably the “right” day to start becoming excited for Christmas. Obviously I’ve been beyond excited for the last month, but nonetheless the first of December is an exciting day. It also marks the first day of my photo challenges.
Capturing December: Your view today
The first day of Advent and debatably the “right” day to start becoming excited for Christmas. Obviously I’ve been beyond excited for the last month, but nonetheless the first of December is an exciting day. It also marks the first day of my photo challenges.
Capturing December: Your view today
A cup of Earl Grey, my cat Spencer and an English textbook looming in the background.
Unpictured: the sound of Christmas music playing, my favourite stories up on my computer and my tired face
December Book Photo Challenge: To read this month
Selon-moi, an appropriate mix of festive and non-festive reads.
Pictured: The Christmas Secret (a collection of Atlantic Canadian short Christmastime stories), Remembering Christmas by Dan Walsh (Christmas romantic fluff), How To Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran (a.k.a. I've been meaning to read this since August) and Cornered by Ron MacLean and Kirstie McLellan Day (a.k.a. bought at the same time as How To Be...)
Other Memories From Today...
- I thought I worked a 2-10 today, but I worked a 6-2
- I hurt my finger trying to put my chair together
- It's been snowing all day, so everything else doesn't matter.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
How did I get here again?
Multiple times this Fall I found myself stricken with the sudden urge to write a blogpost.
But I didn't.
Because I thought I couldn't.
You see, with the downfall of Google Reader, I thought I could no longer post through Blogger. No, I don't know why this made sense to me and no, I didn't try it out. I blindly and stupidly just accepted it as fact and some nights I would just scroll through old posts.
Until last week when I realized I was horribly mistaken.
So, here I am.
No longer on the East Coast, I have successfully moved to Central Canada and am loving living in my own space. I am attending the university of my dreams, in love with the content of my classes and hoping that I will be accepted into second year.
The next three weeks are going to be hell as a uni student, because exams are starting, but I really want to do the December Photo Challenge. I love this time of year and am already feeling particularly festive, so hopefully I will be able to follow through with this. I'm not sure if I will be able to post every day, I will be studying for exams and travelling back home for Christmas, so I may do weekly round-ups. But I hope to take a picture everyday to capture the magic all around us.
So, here it is, my next promise.
Let's see how she rolls...
But I didn't.
Because I thought I couldn't.
You see, with the downfall of Google Reader, I thought I could no longer post through Blogger. No, I don't know why this made sense to me and no, I didn't try it out. I blindly and stupidly just accepted it as fact and some nights I would just scroll through old posts.
Until last week when I realized I was horribly mistaken.
So, here I am.
No longer on the East Coast, I have successfully moved to Central Canada and am loving living in my own space. I am attending the university of my dreams, in love with the content of my classes and hoping that I will be accepted into second year.
The next three weeks are going to be hell as a uni student, because exams are starting, but I really want to do the December Photo Challenge. I love this time of year and am already feeling particularly festive, so hopefully I will be able to follow through with this. I'm not sure if I will be able to post every day, I will be studying for exams and travelling back home for Christmas, so I may do weekly round-ups. But I hope to take a picture everyday to capture the magic all around us.
So, here it is, my next promise.
Let's see how she rolls...
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Start of March Break
I love watching the snow fall, and I love that my cats are just as fascinated by it as me. There is something relaxing about waking up before everyone else in the house and watching the the snow. It's peaceful. It seems to me that everyone is anxiously awaiting spring, but personally, I love it when winter lingers. I mean the harsh, bitter wind can be annoying at times, but the thought of a cup of hot chocolate always soothes my anger towards Mother Nature.
I find it unfortunate that people have this stigma that winter has to be a season of lassitude. But I suppose that's one of the things I love about it. It's quiet. No one really wants to venture out into this picturesque weather unless they "have to". That leads to empty streets and emptier sidewalks; as an introvert, what more could I want?
Maybe I am all alone in this category, but I find something magical about winter. Maybe it's the spirit of Christmas that remains in the air after all the decorations are packed away, or maybe it's a figment of my imagination. But those little fluffy bits of white hitting the icy streets are enough to put my mind at ease for now. For now at least, I'll be calm and happy and I'll hope that Ottawa promises the same snowy days.
I find it unfortunate that people have this stigma that winter has to be a season of lassitude. But I suppose that's one of the things I love about it. It's quiet. No one really wants to venture out into this picturesque weather unless they "have to". That leads to empty streets and emptier sidewalks; as an introvert, what more could I want?
Maybe I am all alone in this category, but I find something magical about winter. Maybe it's the spirit of Christmas that remains in the air after all the decorations are packed away, or maybe it's a figment of my imagination. But those little fluffy bits of white hitting the icy streets are enough to put my mind at ease for now. For now at least, I'll be calm and happy and I'll hope that Ottawa promises the same snowy days.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Summary of Events
The last few days have been pretty monotone for me; I have been fighting off a nasty flu bug, so not much has been accomplished. Thankfully, I didn't have any "real" homework to do, more like goals to get ahead, so that is what I have been trying to chip away at. Other minor accomplishments include studying for my driving permit (which I hope to take soon), and dreaming about my tattoo (which I hope to get soon). The last week or so has been spent at my mum's house, which has been absolutely lovely. I love staying here and I am going to be quite sad when I have to pack up and leave.
I have also been dreaming about my future apartment, all the things I still need to buy, and how fast this year is going. Halloween feels like it happened so recently, not over two months ago! Before I know it, it will be June and I will be packing to leave. Geez, that time is going to be so stressful, trying to pack and study and find an apartment and study! Well, I guess now is the time to enjoy doing nothing, it never seems to last long with me. At least whenever things get stressful or overwhelming, I now have one piece of advice to relax me: my escape is now mere months away, no longer years.
I have also been dreaming about my future apartment, all the things I still need to buy, and how fast this year is going. Halloween feels like it happened so recently, not over two months ago! Before I know it, it will be June and I will be packing to leave. Geez, that time is going to be so stressful, trying to pack and study and find an apartment and study! Well, I guess now is the time to enjoy doing nothing, it never seems to last long with me. At least whenever things get stressful or overwhelming, I now have one piece of advice to relax me: my escape is now mere months away, no longer years.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Au revoir 2012
Many sunsets were enjoyed, plenty of books were devoured, lots of moments were had...here's to 2012.
I took my first train journey and I had my writing published for the first time, and then the second time. I travelled to Europe for the first time and selected a variety of images to share from the 1500+ pictures I took. Yes, 2012 was full of firsts and lasts and now we are on to bigger and better things I guess. I had some good times and some not-so-good times, but as I approach the end of my studies in Saint John I am happy with how things turned out. I feel like there is so much more left to say, and yet not at the same time. So, I guess, cheers to 2012 and bring it on 2013.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
My Goals for 2013
Even though this didn't work out wonderfully last year, I figured that I would try to make a list of goals for 2013, hoping that maybe this time I will remember what I wrote.
- Find a nice (and inexpensive) one bedroom apartment in Ottawa/Gatineau
- Get a tattoo
- Graduate high school with an overall average between 93-96
- Finally receive my permit
- Spend more time with Rebecca
- Celebrate my birthday with a glass of mulled wine
- Come home for the holidays
- Make my apartment completely "me", with a set of bookshelves flanking a workspace
- Read more classics
- Explore Ottawa...
- Find a new second hand book store in Ottawa to take the place Loyalist City Coins and Books
- Buy a bicycle
- Work on The Search for Home
- Spend quiet evenings focusing on relaxation and detachment when I move out
- Write more short stories
- Edit my writing more
- Get a new piercing
- Do well in my first semester of university
- Visit more city parks
- Celebrate the end of high school with no inhibitions...to a reasonable extent!
I am thinking that it might be a bit interesting to keep this list close and write a post when I complete a goal on this list. It was a lot harder to write of goals I want to reach this year than it was last year. I suppose since I don't have a humongous trip looming on the horizon, and I have already received some of the best news ever (my acceptance into Carleton), things are looking up right now. I have more aspirations for the new year than goals, things I hope to do and hope I continue to do...we'll see.
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